# Share Your Computer Jokes Here



## q3_abhi (Feb 5, 2006)

When Bill Gates was in India, he had a chance 2 listen Ramayana from Atal Behari Vajpayee. After returning 2 US he wrote it in his personal Diary. A Tabloid in US got a copy of his writings. These are excerpts from his diary.
Â 
Ramayana by Bill Gates...
Â 
LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya, there ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat. Once he EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an OUTPUT of four SUNs--RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana. RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY. His brothers, however, were only PERIPHERAL ICs. Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess 'C'ta. 12years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTALL RAM as his successor. However, Queen CIE/CAE(Kayegayee), who was once offered a boon
by DOS-rat for a lifesaving HELP COMMAND, took this opportunity at the instigation of her BIOSed maid (a real plotter), and insisted that her son Bug-rat be INSTALLED and that RAM be CUT-N-PASTED to the forest for 14 years.
Â 
At this cruel and unexpected demand, a SURGE passed through DOS-rat and he collapsed, power-less. RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and 'C'ta insisted to LOGIN with him. LSI-man also resolved on LOGGING IN with his brother. The forest was the dwelling of SPARCnakha, the TRAN-SISTOR of RAW-van, PROCESSOR of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM's stature, she proposed that he should marry her. RAM, politely declined. Perceiving 'C'ta to be the SOURCE CODE of her distress, she hastened to kill her. Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka ,where RAW-van, moved by TRAN-SISTOR's plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha. MAR-icha REPROGRAMED himself into the form of a golden stag and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, which, with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM's voice. Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM SOUND, 'C'ta urged LSI-man to his brother's aid. Catching the opportunity ,RAW-van DELINKED 'C'ta from her LIBRARY and changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka.
Â 
RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing 'C'ta all over the
forest. They made friendship with the forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his powerful co-processor Ha-NEUMAN. SU-greev agreed to help RAM. SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful 'SEARCH' techniques to FIND the missing 'C'ta. His PROGRAMMERS
SEARCHED all around the INTER-NETworked forests. Many tried to 'EXCITE' the birds and animals not to forget the 'WEBCRAWLERS' (Insects) and tried to 'INFO SEEK. something about 'C'ta. Some of them even shouted'YAA-HOO' but they all ended up with 'NOT OUNDMESSAGES'. Several other SEARCH techniques proved useless. Ha-NEUMAN devised a RISKy TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross the seas at an astonishing CLOCK SPEED. Soon Ha-NEUMAN
DOWNLOADED himself into LAN-ka. After doing some local SEARCH, Ha-NEUMAN found 'C'ta weeping under a TREE STRUCTURE Ha-NEUMAN used a LOGIN ID (ring) to identify himself to 'C'ta. After DECRYPTING THE KEY, 'C'ta believed in him and asked him to send a 'STATUS_OK' MESSAGE to RAM. Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS around 'C'tacaptured Ha-NEUMAN and tried to DELETE him using pyro-techniques. But Ha-NEUMAN managed to spread chaos by spreading the VIRUS 'Fire'. Ha-NEUMAN happily pressed ESCAPE from
LAN-ka and conveyed all the STATUSMESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev. RAW-wan decided to take the all-powerful RAM head-on and prepared for the battle. One of the RAW-wan's SUN (son) almost DELETED RAM &LSI-man with a powerful brahma-astra. But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-X gradients and REFORMATTED RAM and LSI-man. RAM used the SOURCE CODE secrets of
RAW-wan and once for all wiped out RAW-wan's presence on earth. After the battle, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and spreaded his MICROSOFT WORKS and other USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all USERS and every one lived happily ever after.


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## .:deadman:. (Feb 5, 2006)

source:
*www.cs.cornell.edu/~kvikram/htmls/jokes/joke3.html


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## mehulved (Feb 5, 2006)

lol that's  a good one. And in place of Valmiki he will put the autor as Bill Wiki.


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## rajas700 (Feb 5, 2006)

Good joke and nice.......


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## ~Phenom~ (Feb 5, 2006)

Agreed its a good joke although old one but @ rajas I dont think its that good that u have to post four times the same praise.


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## Chirag (Feb 5, 2006)

Good joke.

@Phenom - It happens sometimes. Connection problem. Happened with me also.


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## Quiz_Master (Feb 6, 2006)

Yeah a too old one but good.

I got this in a cd which a friend give me.

That CD was full of this types of jokes.
Almost 695 MB of jokes and funny flashes and powerpoint presentation jokes.


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## saurabh.sauron (Feb 6, 2006)

A really nice one. Gave me laughs for a long time.


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## QwertyManiac (Feb 6, 2006)

@abhi - U gave it to me a long while ago  Good


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## q3_abhi (Feb 7, 2006)

I too had it a long while ago but i thought it will b gud for those who havent read it , so i uploaded it here.


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## readermaniax (Feb 19, 2006)

*Cool insults for immediate use![updated]*

Sorry as some of the insults may be repeated 

1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

5. At least there's one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face! 

6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing

7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!

8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.

9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!

11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?

15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain! 

16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.

17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.

18. He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!

19. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in.

20. He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory.

21. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

22. He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!

23. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That? 

24. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

25. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.

26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

27. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!

28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

29. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty.

30. How would you like to feel the way you look? 

31. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you? 

32. I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in the next 10 years?

33. I don't want you to turn the other cheek; it's just as ugly.

34. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.

35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

37. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me!

38. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are at all. 

39. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?

40. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!

41. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

42. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical of you.

44. Do u practice being this ugly?

*www.pindiplus.com/content/view/179/208/


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## readermaniax (Feb 19, 2006)

Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.

You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!

You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.

Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!

I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!

I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

*www.humorsphere.com/insults/


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## Netjunkie (Feb 19, 2006)

Thanks ...

nice handy collection


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## readermaniax (Feb 19, 2006)

your welcome! ...thanx for the reply


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## Ankur Gupta (Feb 19, 2006)

coooooool maan.
will really help me a lot


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## KHUBBU (Feb 19, 2006)

*www.insultmonger.com/generators/


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## __Virus__ (Feb 19, 2006)

hahaha that was funny maniax....they go into collection


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## shwetanshu (Feb 19, 2006)

thnx maniax


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## nix (Feb 20, 2006)

hehe cool..will memorize some for use


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## readermaniax (Feb 20, 2006)

HEy nix, shwetanshu , __Virus__, ankurgupta.me thanx for the replys


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## navjotjsingh (Feb 20, 2006)

Thanks...needed more...got bored of exisiting lot! LOL


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## readermaniax (Feb 20, 2006)

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

Are your parents siblings?

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!

Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!

He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.

Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!

Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

I bet your mother has a loud bark!

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. 

*www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/insults/insult8.htm


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## rajkumar_personal (Feb 20, 2006)

Something extremely NEEDED 4 personal arguments !

Thanks a billion mate.

Can I ask you for MORE ???


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## sujithtom (Feb 21, 2006)

Cooool. must not down some in my mind he he


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## maharajadhiraj (Feb 22, 2006)

excellent stuff maniax. keep it up. 2 gud


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## hpotter606 (Feb 22, 2006)

Exellent!!
Will try to use some tomorrow!!


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## vinividivici (Feb 22, 2006)

how about...
"You have only 2 parents?"

That was no joke.... it's what our bio sir asked one of the guyz in class.. (By mistake!)


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## Orange Juice (Feb 22, 2006)

vinividivici said:
			
		

> how about...
> "You have only 2 parents?"
> 
> That was no joke.... it's what our bio sir asked one of the guyz in class.. (By mistake!)



HI! THIS I SELF-INSULT


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## thadhanihemant (Feb 22, 2006)

that's a really cool thread by maniax
i appreciate u
thankzzzzz alot


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## fnatic@play (Feb 23, 2006)

ROFL!!! funny!!!! n1 man


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## readermaniax (Feb 23, 2006)

THANX yaar for thecool replys


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## Trinity (Feb 24, 2006)

*"Hello World" jokes*

hello people, 

here is the link to joke on how the way people code "Hello World" varies depending on their age and job: 


*www.gnu.org/fun/jokes/helloworld.html

Have fun!


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## rajkumar_personal (Feb 24, 2006)

Simply A-M-A-Z-I-N-G !

More of that would be very welcome !
We definitely need some laughs to ease our days out !


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## RCuber (Feb 24, 2006)

Good to see this one.

You could have put them in quotes here itself.


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## mobile_freak_2020 (Feb 24, 2006)

Hello World !
How the way people code "Hello World" varies depending on their age and job: 
High School/Jr.High
 10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
 20 END


First year in College
 program Hello(input, output)
 begin
 writeln('Hello World')
 end.


Senior year in College
 (defun hello
 (print
 (cons 'Hello (list 'World))))


New professional
 #include <stdio.h>

 void main(void)
 {
  char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
  int i;
  for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
  printf("%s", message_);
  printf("\n");
 }


Seasoned professional
 #include <iostream.h>
 #include <string.h>
 class string
 {
  private:
   int size;
   char *ptr;
  public:
   string() : size(0), ptr(new char('\0')) {}
   string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
   {
     ptr = new char[size + 1];
     strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
   }
   ~string()
   {
     delete [] ptr;
   }
   friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &);
   string &operator=(const char *);
 };

 ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
 {
   return(stream << s.ptr);
 }
 string &string:perator=(const char *chrs)
 {
   if (this != &chrs)
   {
     delete [] ptr;
     size = strlen(chrs);
     ptr = new char[size + 1];
     strcpy(ptr, chrs);
   }
   return(*this);
 }
 int main()
 {
   string str;
   str = "Hello World";
   cout << str << endl;
   return(0);
 }


System Administrator
 #include <stdio.h>
 #include <stdlib.h>
 main()
 {
  char *tmp;
  int i=0;
  /* on y va bourin */
  tmp=(char *)malloc(1024*sizeof(char));
  while (tmp="Hello Wolrd"[i++]);
  /* Ooopps y'a une infusion ! */
  i=(int)tmp[8];
  tmp[8]=tmp[9];
  tmp[9]=(char)i;
  printf("%s\n",tmp);
 }

Apprentice Hacker
 #!/usr/local/bin/perl
 $msg="Hello, world.\n";
 if ($#ARGV >= 0) {
     while(defined($arg=shift(@ARGV))) {
         $outfilename = $arg;
         open(FILE, ">" . $outfilename) || die "Can't write $arg: $!\n";
         print (FILE $msg);
         close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!\n";
     }
 } else {
     print ($msg);
 }
 1;

Experienced Hacker
 #include <stdio.h>
 #include <string.h>
 #define S "Hello, World\n"
 main(){exit(printf(S) == strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);}


Seasoned Hacker
 % cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c
 % a.out
 Hello, world.


Guru Hacker
 % cat
 Hello, world.

New Manager (do you remember?)
 10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
 20 END


Middle Manager
 mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12
 Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, world."?
 I need it by tomorrow.
 ^D


Senior Manager
 % zmail jim
 I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon.

Chief Executive
 % letter
 letter: Command not found.
 % mail
 To: ^X ^F ^C
 % help mail
 help: Command not found.
 % damn!
 !: Event unrecognized
 % logout

Research Scientist
        PROGRAM HELLO
	PRINT *, 'Hello World'
	END

Older research Scientist
	WRITE (6, 100)
    100 FORMAT (1H ,11HHELLO WORLD)
	CALL EXIT
	END




			
				charangk said:
			
		


			Good to see this one.

You could have put them in quotes here itself.
		
Click to expand...

_


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## rajkumar_personal (Feb 25, 2006)

mobile_freak_2020 said:
			
		

> Hello World !
> How the way people code "Hello World" varies depending on their age and job:
> High School/Jr.High
> 10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
> ...


_

Where the hell do you get this kind of stuff ?
A link is sure to enlighten me !_


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## maharajadhiraj (Feb 26, 2006)

*hey check out these insults*

Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing 

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own 

He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words 

Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ? 


Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?


Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.


He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown.     

This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you 

Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 

I hear you're connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs...

Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don't have the film.




Hey check out these insults. Most of them are repeated though.   :roll:  :winkPls don't mind the non-veg adult part PLS  

No insults intended to any1


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## readermaniax (Feb 26, 2006)

HEy nice INSULTS yaar ..... but where is the link/


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## Mr.Cool (Feb 26, 2006)

*The Humour Thread*

Hello to all.

Welcome to the Humour thread.
Post all your jokes here.

I will start off with :-

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.


"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and Shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The Teacher fainted.


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## sujithtom (Feb 26, 2006)

Nice one. But i see tht there is no Bad option in the Poll


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## devarajan (Feb 26, 2006)

sujithtom said:
			
		

> Nice one. But i see tht there is no Bad option in the Poll



u r right man......


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## Mr.Cool (Feb 26, 2006)

Ahem. Satisfactory ! Hehe ! And post ur jokes too !


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## Deep (Feb 27, 2006)

Orange Juice said:
			
		

> vinividivici said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



LOL this one was the funniest one haha


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## escape7 (Feb 27, 2006)

I had memorised a few, the've come in handy, thanks a lot dude


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## readermaniax (Feb 28, 2006)

Hey u know wat/  .... these insults ive posted helped me in makin girl frnds


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## desertwind (Feb 28, 2006)

> Chief Executive
> 
> % letter
> letter: Command not found.
> ...



Old, but damn funny.


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## rajkumar_personal (Mar 1, 2006)

HOW ??
Did you insult someone else and show off your English skills ???


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## jamyang312 (Mar 1, 2006)

that was gr8!


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## readermaniax (Mar 2, 2006)

ya i did insult some one ....her previous boyfriend ... and takin about showing english ...what is there in english to show off///


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## readermaniax (Mar 3, 2006)

Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.

You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!

You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.

Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!

I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!

I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

*www.humorsphere.com/insults/


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## readermaniax (Mar 4, 2006)

"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."
- Groucho Marx

"His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it." 
- F. H. Bradley

"The stupid person's idea of a clever person." 
- Elizabeth Bowen talking about Aldous Huxley 

"Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon." 
- Abbie Hoffman 

"The only genius with an IQ of 60." 
- Gore Vidal talking about Andy Warhol

"A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind"
- Anon. 

"Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today" 
- Anon. 

"Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing" 
- Anon. 

"Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own" 
- Anon. 

"He always finds himself lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory" 
- Anon. 

"He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words"
- Anon. 

"I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works"
- Anon. 

"I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others"
- Anon. 

"He does the work of three men: Larry, Curly & Moe" 
- Anon.

*www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/insults/insult2.htm


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## readermaniax (Mar 4, 2006)

If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.

If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.

Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.

Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.

I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.

You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.

People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.

I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.

I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?

Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.

People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.

Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.

I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.

When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.

I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.

I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.

I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.

I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cemen

*www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/insults/insult13.htm


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## readermaniax (Mar 4, 2006)

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it. 

I bet your mother has a loud bark! 

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? 

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. 

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! 

I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others? 

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside. 

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter? 

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! 

I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. 

I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you. 

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. 

I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high. 

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? 

I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it! 

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV. 

I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying. 

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? 

I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission! 

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used. 

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive. 

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide! 

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's invulnerable. 

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. 

If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M. 

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent. 

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control! 

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. 

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. 

Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't. 

There is no vaccine against stupidity.

*www.thejokeyard.com/funny_insults/insult_jokes.html


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## techno_junkie (Mar 7, 2006)

*All Tech jokes here*

*Hello....I am starting this new topic for sharing Jokes related to Computers.
So please include your computer jokes or pranks in this thread... 

Dont scold me if tese dont make u smile or if it's a repost...*


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## techno_junkie (Mar 7, 2006)

The Top 11 Entries in Bill Gates' Diary


11. Invited entire tech-support department to play golf. Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.

10. Steve Jobs started work today. The silverware looks great, but he doesn't do windows -- yet.

9. The baby cries constantly. Maybe I'll buy Fisher-Price.

8. Bought my first Macintosh. It's sooooo cute!

7. Good day. Found over 15 bucks' worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters.

6. Bad day. Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.

5. Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner. Yes!

4. Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!

3. Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes. 

2. Ran into Demi and Bruce. Upped my offer to a billion dollars. 

and the Number 1 Entry in Bill Gates' Diary...

1. Seventh day: rested.


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## techno_junkie (Mar 7, 2006)

Check out these full forms: - PART 1

PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms.

IBM - I Blame Microsoft.

ISDN - It Still Does Nothing.

MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers.

RAM - Rarely Adequate Memory

ROM - Really Old Machine

APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity.

SCSI - System Can't See It.

PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics.

LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis.

DOS - Defunct Operating System.


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## techno_junkie (Mar 7, 2006)

*The Ten Commandments of DOS*

I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom.

Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack .

Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't need that much space anyway.

Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM. After all, it's ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.

Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar. Standardization on where that character is located on a computer keyboard is right out .

Thou shall edit and shuffle the sacred lines of CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT until DOS functions adequately for the likes of you. Giving up in disgust is not allowed.

Know in thy heart that DOS shall always maintain backward compatibility to the holy 2.0 version, blindly ignoring opportunities to become compatible with things created in the latter half of this century. But you can still run WordStar 1.0

Improve thy memory, for thou shall be required to remember that JD031792.LTR is the letter that you wrote to Jane Doe three years ago regarding the tax deductible contribution that you made to her organization. The IRS Auditor shall be impressed by thy memory as he stands over you demanding proof .

Pick carefully the names of thy directories, for renaming them shall be mighty difficult. While you're at it, don't try to relocate branches of the directory tree, either.

Learn well the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (ctrl-alt-del) for it shall be thy saviour on many an occasion. Believe in thy heart that everyone reboots their OS to solve problems that shouldn't occur in the first place. 

====================================

*Dear Tech Support:
*
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed a slow down in the performance of flower
and jewellry applications that had operated flawlessly
under Boyfriend 5.0

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed
undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system. I've tried running NAGGING
5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I
do?

Desperate
***************************

[REPLY]




Dear Desperate,


First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment
package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and
install Tears 6.2.

Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and
Flowers 7.0.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence
2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Television 6.1. Television 6.1 is a very bad program

that will create Loud noises ( WAV files) and does not get deleted.

DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.
These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Cheerfulness 2.0.



Good Luck,

Tech Support

==================================

*Top Ten Reasons Computers Are Male*

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shinny until you bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but nobody's home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter.


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## techno_junkie (Mar 7, 2006)

You Might Be an ISP if...

you know 56k means 'reliable 33.6' and 33.6 means 'reliable 28.8' and so forth.
you know the win98 setup wizard by heart and can walk a user through it without even interrupting your Quake/MUD/IRC session to do so.
you know where the email settings are in Internet Mail, Outlook Express, Pegasus, Eudora, Netscape Mail, Messenger Mailbox, and you don't use any of those programs for personal use.
you maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page.
you know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what they've done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace.
you know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms.
you know more ip addresses than phone numbers. Sometimes you just find it easier to type the dotted quad.
you know more phone numbers to modem banks than you know phone numbers to people.
you can name two web browsers other than Netscape or Microsoft's.
you find telnet a helpful daily tool instead of wondering what it is for.
you loathe the dancing baby and other large file attachments sent through email to unsuspecting users who can't pick them up off the server and then have to call and whine that their email doesn't work anymore.
you despise Microsoft FrontPage as a web editing tool and as extensions to your webserver.
you can answer the question 'is the internet broken' without laughing.
you can spot the theme behind the following list: RedHat, SuSE, Debian, Caldera, Slackware.
you can feel the load a server is under without actually checking statistics. It 'just isn't running right' actually makes sense.


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## techno_junkie (Mar 7, 2006)

Top 10 Signs that You've Overdosed on The World Wide Web


Your opening line is: "So, what's your homepage address?"
You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see "Enhanced for Netscape 4.0" on one of the clouds.
You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Webpage with no links.
You felt driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the "Back" button.
You visit "The Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything" again and again and again.
Your dog has his own webpage.
So does your hamster.
When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.


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## techno_junkie (Mar 7, 2006)

You know you are an Internet Junkie when...

When asked to your address, your answer begins with *
Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
You chat with your fingers, not your mouth.
You use Netscape 4.72, and you check every week whether version 4.73 was released.
You know the difference between Java and Javascript.
Most of your friends have an @ in their names.
In order to watch CNN you move to www.cnn.com
On your business card the e-mail appears before the phone number.
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
You can perfectly imitate the sound pattern of your modem connecting to your ISP.
You can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than : -).
You are told about a new program, and you are disappointed to find that it is a TV program.
Not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.


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## techno_junkie (Mar 7, 2006)

What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.
What is a computer`s first sign of old age?
Loss of memory.
What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk.
Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.
What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness.
To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.


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## techno_junkie (Mar 7, 2006)

Some New Error Messages Planned for Microsoft Windows XP !!!

1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4) Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9) Windows message: You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?
10) This is a message from God: "Rebooting the universe, please log out"
11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup and press any key.
14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot BJP? (Y/N)
15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17) Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
1 Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER.
20) User Error: Replace user.
21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)"
22) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic


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## dIgItaL_BrAt (Mar 7, 2006)

Great stuff,dude!
can't stop LMAO!


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## sid_ashok (Mar 7, 2006)

instead of pasting from other sites please give me the source i will see it my self.
Any ways great jokes


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## SWEET SNEHA (Mar 7, 2006)

Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one."  Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?"  Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out  Of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left.  It's defective."  Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker  to the right side of the machine and vice versa."  Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)


 This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his user name and password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."  Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."  A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.  The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."


Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"  Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space.  Is that enough?"


Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.  Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."  Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."  Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."  Customer: "What do you mean?"  Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."  Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"


Overheard in a computer shop:  Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."  Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."   Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"


I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.


 Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"


I work for a local ISP.  Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this:  Customer: "Hi.  Is this the Internet?"


Some people pay for their on-line services with checks made payable to "The Internet."


Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"  Tech Support: "Yeah."  Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"  Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."


Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."  Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows -- because of the icons -- I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."  Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to --  "Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'.  I don't believe in icons."  Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' ok?"  Customer: [click]


Customer: "My computer crashed!"  Tech Support: "It crashed?"  Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."  Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."  Customer: "No, it didn't crash -- it crashed."  Tech  Support: "Huh?"  Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. Now it doesn't  work."  Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship.  Tech Support: "Click on 'File,'  then 'New Game.'"  Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"


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## Vyasram (Mar 8, 2006)

seen it way back in digit/c**p  

a guy calls a technican and says that his hard drive had crashed

technician asks him whether he had backed up

the guy backs away from his pc and asks, "why is it gonna blow"


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## imported_dheeraj_kumar (Mar 8, 2006)

a real life incident

some months back my comp didnt have proper earthing, so when you touch some places in the cabinet you may get a small shock.

my frnd came to my place last month, and the earthing was proper. he didnt know that, so he asked me if he would still receive the shock. so i touched the cabinet, i got no shock, and so i told him to touch it. he was a person who easily got scared. so he brought his hand near the cabinet slowly, and just when he was about to touch it i shouted"booooooooo". that guy got so frightened he  fell outta the chair ROTFLOL that was the funniest incident

from the next day at school he was afraid to do the "ohms law" experiment lol


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## Vyasram (Mar 8, 2006)

had billy been the icc president, what wd he have done

He wd have make a rule that a team must declare if it reaches 640


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## Retro (Mar 9, 2006)

techno_junkie said:
			
		

> You know you are an Internet Junkie when...
> 
> You chat with your fingers, not your mouth.
> You use Netscape 4.72, and you check every week whether version 4.73 was released.
> You know the difference between Java and Javascript.



This is quite old dude
1) Netscape 4.7 and not Firefox or Opera?? Blatant ripping.. You need to credit the source though!
2) You know the difference between Java and Javascript?

BTW Nice jokes but as someone said, do credit the source, they spent a lot of time making them up!


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## readermaniax (Mar 10, 2006)

*Think.... Tring Tring .... wat goes tring a ring ?*

 * Ques. 1 *: What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????

Scroll Down for answer

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A TOMATO....... AND THE TRING TRING TRING WAS TO CONFUSE YOU......
*i39.photobucket.com/albums/e157/fatalh4xor/Showteeth.gif
Anyways... Here s one more....
*
Ques 2* : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????

Scroll Down for answer (Yes Thats What u should be doing... )

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The DOOR BELL and the RED was to CONFUSE you......
*i39.photobucket.com/albums/e157/fatalh4xor/smile.gif
Anyways... Here s one more....
*Ques 3* : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????

Scroll Down for answer (Yes Yes Go On.. )
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A CAKE .... and both were to confuse you....
*i39.photobucket.com/albums/e157/fatalh4xor/laugh.gif
Anyways... Here's one more....

*Ques 4* : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????

Scroll Down for answer ( Are u so lame that I have to tell  this ..)

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A Fire Brigade Obviously...........

*i39.photobucket.com/albums/e157/fatalh4xor/cry.gif
And u Thought I was trying to Confuse You ................


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## Dumbledore (Mar 10, 2006)

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Where are you finding these mumbai police and this article?


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## readermaniax (Mar 10, 2006)

hey.... this 1 is mine ...


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## ashnik (Mar 13, 2006)

tooooo old, no hard feelings


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## KHUBBU (Mar 13, 2006)

but really it was good and refreshing !


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## pradipudhaya (Mar 26, 2006)

*Sardarji in a Quiz contest*

Sardarji  in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore.



The questions are as follows:

1) How long was the 100 yr war?



A) 116

B) 99

C) 100

D) 150



Sardar says "I will skip this"



2) In which country are the Panama hats made?


A) BRASIL

B) CHILE

C) PANAMA

D) EQUADOR



Sardar asks for help from the University students




 3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?



A) JANUARY

B) SEPTEMBER

C) OCTOBER

D) NOVEMBER


Sardar asks for help from general public



4) Which of these was King George VI first name?



A) EDER

B) ALBERT

C) GEORGE

D) MANOEL


 Sardar asks for lucky cards



5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:



A) CANARY BIRD

B) KANGAROO

C) PUPPY

D) RAT


 Sardar gives up.







If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's

replies, then please check the answers below:



1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453

 2) The Panama hat is made in Ecuador

3) The October revolution is celebrated in November

4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.

5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies.

Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again


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## //siddhartha// (Mar 26, 2006)

This proves THAT YOU ARE A *SARDAR* LOL..


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## thecyclone2k (Mar 26, 2006)

Ise Doordarshan pe suna hai (lol)

Read it before!!


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## shwetanshu (Mar 26, 2006)

got this in a mail forward 145786447541454775 times


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## mehulved (Mar 26, 2006)

Well sardar's(by sardar's I mean idiots) too have brains only that they use it sometimes.
BTW I got 3 right.I guess that's not bad.


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## Jatin_T (Mar 26, 2006)

Man..have read this so many time bfore..even in my stupid col mag..and they copied it from last years college mag of guess wat..our college...

But connecting them facts to Sardar was not needed!


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## ~Phenom~ (Mar 26, 2006)

Yeah , read it many times before.


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## pradipudhaya (Mar 26, 2006)

//siddhartha// said:
			
		

> This proves THAT YOU ARE A *SARDAR* LOL..


duhhh.. i am not a sardar


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## __Virus__ (Mar 27, 2006)

and the same topic existed right here on digit which lead to flaming


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## rajesh_nk22 (Mar 27, 2006)

are sardars really dumb ones? have heard many jokes like this before.


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## niranjan_mcarenyold (Mar 28, 2006)

sardars are not dumbs, indeed they laugh for the jokes on them, because they know about the persons joking on them just wasting time finding faults in others instead of spending time on useful things.

if they consider this joke their time will waste in protecting india. because the punjab regiement is the powerful regiement in indian army

(meanwhile i am not at all a sardar and an army person)


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## gary4gar (Mar 28, 2006)

sardars are the most misunderstood & comic community in our community.poor caps!


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## rajesh_nk22 (Mar 28, 2006)

Ya i agree with niranjan, Sardars hamhare army ki shaan hai


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## rajat22 (Mar 30, 2006)

*Sardar Jokes .. Fresh Stock*



       1. Ek dost ne sardar se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyon


       dekhta rehta." 

       Sardar "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do." 



       2.

       4 hightech sardar inventions:

       ---Waterproof towel

       ---Solar powered torch

       ---Book on how to read

       ---Pedal powered wheel chair. 



       3. Why did sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it? Guess

       what

       ---To avoid side effect!!! 



       4. Sardar ke bagiche me bahut pedh the. Sardar ne naukar se bola pedho 

       ko

       pani dal.

       Naukar bola "sahib barish ho rahi hai"

       sardar : abe budhu chatri pakdke dal na". 



       5.

       Man:sardarji where were u born? 

       sardarji: punjab.

       man: which part.

       Sardar: oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab". 



       6. Lawyer to sardar: Gita pe haath laga kar kaho ke 

       ---Sardar :yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court me bulaiya. ab fir

       gita

       pe haath.



       6. Ek teacher ne sardar se puchha 

       "akal badhi ya bhais " 

       Sardar bola "sir pehle date of birth to batao".





       8. Why was sardarji writing the exam near the door???
        bcoz it was an 

       entrance

       exam.



       9.

       Banta's son:dad there is some one on the door 2 collect donations for a

       swimming pool.

       Banta: give him a glass of water. 



       10.

       Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.

       Banta: really what is he studying?

       santa: he is not studying they r studying him.


----------



## Third Eye (Apr 13, 2006)

*THE JOKES THREAD !*

PLEASE PUT YOUR ALL JOKES IN THIS THREAD !

The Sardar Jokes !

Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Doctor: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.

Sardar's son: Mom, kal raat ko wapas waisa hi hua. Bathroom jane ke liye darwaza khola aur apne aap light on ho gayi.
Mom: tenu kitni baar bola ki fridge ganda mat kiya kar.

Teacher: What is the chemical formula 4 water?
Sardar: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.
Teacher: what r u talking?
Sardar: sir, yesterday u said it is H to O!!

Santa singh: Can u spell a word tht has more thn 1000 letters in it?
Banta singh: Post office.

Sardar: (to a friend)Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A.
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar! Sirf do word padhe, aur woh bhi ulte!?

A friend asks sardar: how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally I wrote 'THUNK'!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh "Santa Darling, if we get engaged
will you give me a ring?"
"Sure" replied Santa "What's your phone number?"
* * * * * * *
Once Santa Singh, the psychiatrist, met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard
you are dead."
"But you see I'm alive," smiled the friend.
"Impossible," said Santa Singh. "The man who told me is much more reliable
than you."
* * * * * *
Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,
"Doctor, will I be able to read
after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be ," said Banta with joy,
"I have been illiterate for so long."
* * * * * *
Santa Singh was brought to court on charges of Drunken Driving. Just
before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded
the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order." Santa immediately
responded, "Thank you, your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."
* * * * * *
Mr. Jaswant singh went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and came
to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill for the
items.
Singh asked " Where is the fat ?"
The person didn't understand what Singh was saying and said, "Excuse me
sir, FAT???"
Sardar : "Yes Fat, Give me the fat"
Sardar started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered
and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked Sardar about the
problem. Then sardar said "Hey Manager look, I took a yogurt from your
stores and it was written 'FAT FREE' on that but this guy is not giving me
the fat.

************
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
* * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
* * * * * *
KHALISTAN JOKES
Khalistan National Drink: Sarbat Khalsa.
Khalistan National Bird: Tandoori Chicken.
International Airline: Kitthe Pacific.
National Airline: Itthe Pacific.
National Anthem: Sten-a gun-a man-a ..........
National Taxi Service: Kar Seva.
National song: Bande marte hum.
Female terrorist: Hard Kaur.
National dish: AKALI-DAAL.
Sikh scuba diver: JULL-UNDER SINGH.
Better adapted sikh diver: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL.
----------------------------------------------------------------
A Sardarji went to US & had a meeting with Bill
  Clinton.
  Bill : I want to show you the US advancement.
come with me. (He takes him in a deep forest)
Bill : Dig the ground. (Sardarji did it.)
Bill : more..more..more...
(Sardarji went upto 100 feet)

Bill : So now , try to search something.
Sardarji: I got a wire.
Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago
we used to have telephones.

( Sardarji became frustrated.)

He invited Bill to india. Next year Bill had been
  in India
  Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement.
(the same, he takes Bill in forest.)
  Sardar : dig it .
      (Bill does.)
Sardar : more ..more ..more .......... (Bill goes
upto almost 400 feet..)

  Sardarji : try to find something.
   (Bill tries.)
Sardarji : did you get anything ?

Bill : no.

Sardarji : yes, even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS
-----------------------------------------------------------------------




Santa Singh saw that his friend Banta Singh was very
depressed.
"What Happened?" asked Banta.
"Yaar, I lost Rs.800 in a bet yesterday" replied
Banta.
"How Come?" asked Santa.
"well yesterday,the one day match between india and
england was being shown live on tv. I bet Rs.500 that
india would win, but i lost the bet"
"But that only 500"exclaimed Santa."Where did the rest
go?"

" Yaar, I bet on the highlights,too!!!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Banta Singh was in court charges with parking his car
in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had
anything to say in his defence.
"They should not put up such misleading notices" said
Banta.
" It said ' Fine for Parking here'"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


An englishman, an american and Santa were called upon
to test a lie detector.
The Englishman said, Ican drink 20 bottles of beer ,
The detector went BUZZZZZZZ. Okay he said 10 bottles.
The machine was silent.
The american said, i can eat 15 Hamburgers, the
detector went BUZZZZZ. Okay he said 8 Burgers. The
Machine was silent.

Then Comes Santa, He said " I THINK ......"
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ went the machine.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Once Banta had this ides that he would prove that
sardars are always normal at 12 o'clock. So he called
a press conference. He placed a big wall clock in the
hall and invited 100 Sardars there to test their
reaction. Time went by, and there was no reaction from
the sardars.
finally, there was only one minute left.
The media agog in anticipation of the breakthrough
they were about to witness.
Exactly a minute later, one sardar got up and asked, "
Saddi choti sui Kithe Gayi ( Where has our small hand
gone)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


In Chennai Banta singh went to shop at Burma Bazaar.
His Tamilian friend told him things at the bazaar were
overpriced and he would do well to bargain for half
the price quoted by the shopkeeper.

Banta admired a stereo at ashop and asked the man its
price.

" Rs.2,000" said the shopkeeper.
" Rs.1,000" Said Banta.
" Rs.1,800" said the shopkeeper.
" Rs.900 " said Banta.

" Okay, I'll give it to you for Rs.1500 said the
shopkeeper.
No said banta Rs.750

Irritated finally , the shopkeeper told Banta to just
take the stereo and go he would give it to him for
free.

" Make It Two", said Banta.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


----------



## Third Eye (Apr 13, 2006)

OTHER JOKES !

 Robert: boss, China se Mr. Hu aayee hain.
       Ajit: Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasaayenge.


    Scene:  Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrling's typing.
    Ajeet:  Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
  Raabert:  Magar kyoon baas ?
    Ajeet:  Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.



    Ajeet:  Raabert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger
            starrt kar do.
  Raabert:  Lekin kyoon, baas?
    Ajeet:  Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.



    Ajeet:  Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
  Raabert:  Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.
    Ajeet:  Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega.  Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
  Raabert:  Yes Boss.
    Ajeet:  (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa hamare 
            kabze mein hai .......



    Scene:  Ajeet comes to know about the traitor in his gang.
    Ajeet:  Raabert, ise ShamePain mein daal tho, agar Shame se nahi mara 
            to Pain se mar jayega.



    Scene:  Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.
    Ajeet:  Peter, time bomb le aao aur is saale ko usse bandh do. Timer ko 
            teek das bajhe set kar do. Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez 
            hamesha late karta hai. Iska mauth bhi late hona chahiye. Timer ko 
            panch minute late rakh do. Arre, Raabert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly 
            fellow, time bomb ko yahan peh math rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area 
            hai. Ha haa ha. Time bomb 'tic tic tic tic' karke bajega.  Aur iska
            dil 'tup tup tup' karke dhatakega. Tum agar paas me khade hoge
            to tumko 'tic tup tic tup tic tup' suanaai dega"



    Ajeet:  Rabert! isko eraser se maar do, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit 
            bhi jayega



  Raabert:  Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jahyahda pasand hein boss?
    Ajeet:  Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona




    Peter:  Boss? Sona kahan hei?
    Ajeet:  Tum chahe jahan bhi sona, lekin mujhe to Mona darling ke saath sona!



    Scene:  Ajeet spots one of his is enemies...
    Ajeet:  Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara mehman hai.
             Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...phir woh do
             ghadi ka mehman ho jayega !



     Scene: Ajeet is escaping with his men in a helicopter...
      Ajeet: Kuch hee der mein hamara helicopter hindustan ki sarhadon ke pare 
             door birmingham mein hoga. Wahaan tumhe ek kaale rang ki sioorlett
             (cheverlett) nazar aayegi. Wo tumhe signal degee...on..off..on..off
      Raabert : Boss..hamara signal kya hoga ?
      Ajeet : bewkoof...off..on..off..on...



   Raabert: Boss? Is kaa kyaa kare boss?
     Ajeet: Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene 
            nahi dega, aur oxygen ise marne nahi dega.



     Peter: Boss? aur is pille ka kyaa kare boss?
     Ajeet: Peter! Is saale ko super-conductor me daal do, saala bus mein  
           ticket dete-dete thak jayega.



    Peter: Boss is saale ka kya karen ?
     Ajeet: Ise microprocessor mein daal do...BIT by BIT marega !



      Robert: aur boss..iska kya karen ?
     Ajeet:Ise hamlet poison khilado...sochta rahega, to be or not to be ! 




    Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
     Ajeet: "Raabert, Ise varnish mein daal do, saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish
            bhi aa jaayegi.




       Bob: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.
     Ajeet: Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!



     Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
     Ajeet: "Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo. Saale ko
            Society jeene nahin degea aur security isse marne nahin degea.




     Scene: Raabert and Ajeet are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs a hole 
            and water starts coming inside. Raabert is perplexed !
   Raabert: Boss ab kya hoga ??
     Ajeet: Raabert  Ek aur hole bana do , aur ek hole me IN aur doosre me out
            lik do . Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur doosre se bahar chale
            jayega !!




     Scene: Ajeet is worried about something. Robert is facing him.
     Ajeet: Shanker kaal bahuth bada maal Versova beach per aane wala hain.....
            A pause.....
            Tum chootti le lo. 




   Scene: Raabert had twins and comes to the "Boss".....
    Raabert: Boss, mere dono bachon ke liye koi naam bataiye..
     Ajeet : Ek ka naam rakho Peter....
     Raabert: boss or doosre ka ?
      Ajeet: Repeater.




      Scene: Raabert had triplet and comes to the "Boss".....
   Raabert: Boss, mera teen bachche ka keya naam shoche hein aap?
     Ajeet: Ek Naam rakhkho, Peter, Repeater aur Wang Chung.
   Raabert: Teesra ka naam "Wang Chung" kiu boss???!!!
     Ajeet: Beokuf, tumhe malum nehi...is prithwi me paida hone waalaa har 
            teesra bachcha Chinese hota hai.



     Ajeet: Raabert, is bail kaa stool test karo.
   Raabert: Stool, boss ?
     Ajeet: Aakhir pataa chale ki ye bullshit kya cheez hai.



     Scene: Ajeet get's hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.
     Ajeet: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara
            rang laga do.
    Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?
     Ajeet: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise
            range haathon pakad legi. he he he....




     Scene: Raabert and Ajeet go for shikar...Raabert spots a peacock...
    Raabert: Boss....more.. more...
     Ajeet picks up the peacock, shoots it and says...
     Ajeet : Nomore !




     Robert: Bass is gaddar ka kya karen ?
     Ajeet : ise sui chubho chubho kar mar daalo... pulees samjhegi sui-cide
             hua hai.




     Peter: bass yeh aadmi to kuchh boal hee nahin rahaa...
     Ajeet: Ise revolving chair pe bitha do, pataa to lage chakkar kya hai.



     Ajeet: Mona, tum Toni se shaadi mat karnaa, bahut mona-toni ho jaegi.



     Ajeet: Raabert, dayna (Diana) ko kuch khatta pila do.
     Robert: kyu boss ?
     Ajeet: Bewkoof, woh dayna se daynasour ho jayegi, phir extinct kar dena.


----------



## Third Eye (Apr 14, 2006)

*HELLO !*

Other Sardar Jokes !
PLEASE POST YOUR OWN JOKES HERE !

The Sardar Jokes !

One day Santa Singh climbed up a building, which had 200 floors.

One of Santa's friend called him- Banta your son is dead.

When he heard this he came down. But when he came down on the 100th storey then he remembered- aree I have no son, and when he came on 50th storey he remembered- aree I'm not married.

And when he came down on the last storey, then he remembered his name is Santa and not Banta.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.

He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.

"Damn, he recognized me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.

Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied. ...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr Banta Singh is traveling from Moscow to Bhatinda. Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time.

Banta : 'Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who you are?. I can't compete with a world champion'

Gary : 'How about if I play left handed ?'

Banta : [Think.. Think..] 'OK!'

Banta is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Santa Singh.

Banta : Hey! You know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me inspite of him playing left-handed.....

Santa : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! You know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!! 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and says Hi,
Main Bol Raha Hoon.
The other sardar replies Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!

Boss tells his new employee, "Santa Singh, I'll give you 10 bucks an hour
starting today and in three months, I'll raise it to 20 bucks an hour. So
when would you like to start?"Santa replied, "In 3 months."

ik sardar jee se ek aadmeen poocha akal badhee yah bhens tu sardar jee thodha sochne ke baad bole pehleh dono ki umer batao phir batoonga

Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, ''Aap ke paas color TV hai kya?''
''Haan'' replies shopowner.
Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'

A Sardar, a Japanese, and a British were lost in the desert.
They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey.
The Japanese took the radiator, the British took the seat, and
the Sardar took the door.
After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?"

The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, I can drink the fluid."
Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the seat?" So the British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I can
sit on this comfortable seat." Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the door.
The Sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets
hot all I have to do is roll down the window."

Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said ''I''m 1yr elder to you''.
Sardar said ''Oh! No Problem Soniye, I''ll marry you NEXT YEAR.

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce. Judge asked: How''ll U divide, Ur 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! Well apply NEXT YEAR

Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked: Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: I'm writing a letter to my 6 yr old son, he can''t read very fast.

Flash news: A Two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..


----------



## gary4gar (May 4, 2006)

*~~HoMur & Refreashment Thread~~*

i sometimes get bored with tons of tech news and search for some homurous & sooding news for a time refrashment.in this section members can post 
1) email forwards
2) jokes
3) funny news & anything 


_members should feel to share the homur in this thread_
*Note:it should be suitable for all ages

*To begin with here some student teacher Jokes



--------------------------------------------
=====
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
=====

Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colours do you have?"
=====

My grand-father is so old that when he was in school, 
history was called current affairs.
=====

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
=====

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed again?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
=====

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
=====

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
=====

Teacher : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
=====


----------



## MysticHalo (May 5, 2006)

*Re: ~~HoMur & Refreashment Thread~~*

Good JOB...nice simple (short) jokes 

~~~~~
PS:I wud rep u if they'll make me laugh...


----------



## gary4gar (May 5, 2006)

*Re: ~~HoMur & Refreashment Thread~~*

don't u all think all light talks should be held here???


----------



## samrulez (May 12, 2006)

*Re: Think.... Tring Tring .... wat goes tring a ring ?*

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


----------



## escape7 (May 12, 2006)

*Re: Think.... Tring Tring .... wat goes tring a ring ?*

what was all this supposed to mean? No offence dude...these old jokes are lame stuff.


----------



## QwertyManiac (May 12, 2006)

*Re: Think.... Tring Tring .... wat goes tring a ring ?*

Huh, I guess you confused yourself into posting this LP ....... (Hmm, just to confuse you more, LP here isnt Linkin Park, its your post, LAME POST)


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## True Geek (May 12, 2006)

*Re: Think.... Tring Tring .... wat goes tring a ring ?*

Man
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
This
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
Just 
.
.
.
.
.
.
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..
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.Sux
And it isnt to confuse you. What a lame stuff


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## MysticHalo (May 12, 2006)

*Re: Think.... Tring Tring .... wat goes tring a ring ?*



			
				QwertyManiac said:
			
		

> Huh, I guess you confused yourself into posting this LP ....... (Hmm, just to confuse you more, LP here isnt Linkin Park, its your post, LAME POST)


ROFL 

still cant understand what he was trying to prove...anyways...where is the telephone?


----------



## ~Phenom~ (May 12, 2006)

*Re: Think.... Tring Tring .... wat goes tring a ring ?*

And I thought he was talking about a red telephone.
Silly me?????

Naaaa....


Silly HE.


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## gary4gar (Jun 4, 2006)

**^^All jokes,homour & Extras here^^**

I am creating this thread because i feed up daily seeing 3 or 4 threads of jokes or vedios.i think always in tech forum there shound'nt be more than one thread of his kind.i jokes posted by me here are not made by me.i am just sharing it with you.so lets start off...
======================================
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room. 
Jasmeet : "What are you searching for?"
Santa :"Hidden cameras!" 
Jasmeet : "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Santa : "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World Channel'. How does he know that?"
======================================
*on Reservation
*I think we should have job reservations in all the fields. I completely
support the PM and all the politicians for promoting this. Let's start the 
reservation with our cricket team. We should have 10 percent reservation for
Muslims. 30 percent for OBC, SC/ST like that. Cricket rules should be
modified accordingly. The boundary circle should be reduced for an SC/ST 
player. The four hit by an OBC player should be considered as a six and a
six hit by an OBC player should be counted as 8 runs. An OBC player scoring
60 runs should be declared as a century.

We should influence ICC and make rules so that the pace bowlers like Shoaib 
Akhtar should not bowl fast balls to our OBC player. Bowlers should bowl
maximum speed of 80 kilometer per hour to an OBC player. Any delivery above
this speed should be made illegal.

Also we should have reservation in Olympics. In the 100 meters race, an OBC 
player should be given a gold medal if he runs 80 meters.

There can be reservation in Government jobs also. Let's recruit SC/ST and
OBC pilots for aircrafts which are carrying the ministers and politicians 
(that can really help the country...) 

Ensure that only SC/ST and OBC doctors do the operations for the ministers
and other politicians. (Another way of saving the country...)

Let's be creative and think of ways and means to guide INDIA forward... 
Lets show the world that INDIA is a GREAT country. Let's be proud of being
an INDIAN...

May the good breed of politicians like ARJUN SINGH long live...
=============================================
*mods: please make it a sticky*​


----------



## Vyasram (Jun 4, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

yeah, make this a sticky

I'd also recommend a sticky for all those wallpapers/screensavers/funny pictures ppl post in separate threads here

Two good frnds (A n B)start a company, initial success turns into disaster. A cudn't understand what he got wrong. Things got worse and he became a pauper. One day his friend told him "I am the reason for all our losses. I used most of the money to smuggle drugs. Now that truck has been captured and i got no money. A took a pistol and pointed at his own head. B stopped him sayin "Itz not that big, we can work this out". A replied "work this out, no way,after me you're next!" 

also guyz plz post the source or original contributor's name if the joke isn;t made by u. The above reservation joke was made by Azim Premji


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## thetopcyborg (Jun 4, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**



			
				gary4gar said:
			
		

> I am creating this thread because i feed up daily seeing 3 or 4 threads of jokes or vedios.i think always in tech forum there shound'nt be more than one thread of his kind.i jokes posted by me here are not made by me.i am just sharing it with you.so lets start off...
> ======================================
> Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
> Jasmeet : "What are you searching for?"
> ...


nice joke


----------



## maharajadhiraj (Jun 5, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Hey buddy cut out the non-veg part will ya  , there are kids in the forum!!!!


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## phatratt (Jun 5, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

haha,nice thread,but pls no non-veg stuff jokes only related to computers and technology only would be nice.

here's one
An Internet Geeks Prayer

Help me log-on without fretting
Guide me as i'm internetting
Bless my downloading and uploading
Keep my browser from

exploding.


May my website be protected
Let not my password be rejected
Keep my line always connected
And may all my inputs be accepted.


Please keep my programs alive
And remember to back up my hard drive
And protect my computer from a crashing dive
From a virus that would make it a nesting hive.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Newton 's laws of software. ..

Law 1: Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.


Law

2: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.


Law 3: For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.


Law 4 : Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant!


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## Vyasram (Jun 5, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

what is non-veg stuff????


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## robin345 (Jun 5, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**



			
				Vyasram said:
			
		

> what is non-veg stuff????


Stuff that should be kept away from kids .Like Adult Jokes etcetc


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## Vyasram (Jun 5, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

then why that name non-veg stuff , aren't kids supposed to eat fish and eggs and chicken


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## gary4gar (Jun 5, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

all Double meaning stuff in my posts deleted.how delete the quote from maharajadhiraj posts.maharajadhiraj pls edit ur post


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## aryayush (Jun 5, 2006)

*Abort, Retry, Ignore?*



			
				Vyasram said:
			
		

> then why that name non-veg stuff , aren't kids supposed to eat fish and eggs and chicken


Some things just get accepted by everyone without question and become a trend. This is one of those - no logic behind it, whatsoever! 
Anyway, here is a superb poem:


*ABORT, RETRY, IGNORE?

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, 
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets. 
Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,
I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store, 
Only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, 
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. 
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed machine! Save my data from before!" 
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, 
Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion? 
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. 
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending, 
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. 
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, 
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard. 
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,
Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. 
Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before. 
Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted. 
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. 
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. 
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

To this day I do not know, the place to which lost data go.
What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored, 
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes? 
But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore, 
Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"*​


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## gary4gar (Jun 7, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time." 

Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:- As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny:- He became father only after I was born.
TEACHER:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age? STUDENT:32 yrs.
TEACHER:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.


TEACHER:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age? STUDENT:32 yrs.
TEACHER:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.


Teacher: Paul, what is the chemical formula of Water?
Paul: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher: What is this?
Paul: Well!! you said it is H2O.
Student (to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.

Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class? 
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down. 

Teacher: Where does God live? 
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom. 
Teacher: Why do you say that? 
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Anoop: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!" 
Pupil: “Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?” 
Teacher: “But your parents don’t have a computer.” 
Pupil: “Exactly!”


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## gary4gar (Jun 9, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

[Santa Banta]
Once a train was moving on the railway line. Suddenly the train got down from the railway line and started moving into the fields.
The passengers got angry and decided to punish the train driver.
When the train stopped, all the passengers came to the driver and asked:"Why did you take the train off the track into the fields."
Driver: A man came in front and was standing on the railway line.
Passeners: Why did you risk the life of so many passengers in order to save the life of one man.You should have driven the train on that man.
Driver: I was going to do this only but the man ran towards the field.
_____________________________________________
Once Morron entered a cybercafe to check his mails.It was crowded so he had to wait.As he waited he saw a man checking his mails.He stood behind him and watched.The man typed his password and was waiting when morron cried out "Yes yes I know your password.I can read your mails now.
"Surprised the man asked "Oh yeah, tell me what is it".
Morron replied " Five stars."
___________________________________________________-
Why did Santa Singh took 18 sardars to watch a movie?
Because under 18 was not allowed!
___________________________________________________
Banta: “My grandfather’s watch fell into a well and when it was found after 30 years, it was still keeping correct time”
Santa: What is so great about it? Once my grandfather fell into a well, and after thirty years when he was taken out, he was still alive.”
Banta: “How can it be possible? What was he doing in the well for thirty years?”
Santa: “He was winding your grandfather’s wrist-watch.” 
__________________________________________________________________
Santa was was on his death bed. Santa: Where is my wife?
Santa's Wife: I am here.
Santa: Where are my sons?
Santa's Sons: We are here. Dad!
Santa: Where is Banta?
Banta: I am also here.
Santa: Then! who is at the shop.
________________________________________________________

Santa:What should we do? The water level has risen above the danger mark.
Banta:Raise the danger level mark up by a few meters.

_________________________________________________________
How will a sardarji climb a tree?
He'll stand on a corn and wait for it 2 grow
_____________________________________________________________

Once Banta went to meet Santa.
Banta:When do U get up after a nice nap.
Santa:As soon as the sun's rays enter my room through the window Banta: Don't u find it too early.
Santa:No my window is towards the west, not towards the east.
________________________________________________________________

SANTA & BANTA WERE GOOD FRIENDS.THEY BOTH LOVED CRICKET.THEY BOTH DECIDED THAT WHO EVER DIES FIRST WILL COME IN THE OTHER'S DREAM & TALK ABOUT CRICKET.BANTA DIED FIRST.
SO BANTA CAME IN SANTA'S DREAM AND TALKED ABOUT CRICKET.SO SANTA ASKED BANTA THAT HOW IS CRICKET IN HEAVEN?
BANTA SAID"IN HEAVEN CRICKET IS VERY FAMOUS".
THE NEXT DAY BANTA AGAIN CAME.HE TOLD SANTA THAT HE HAS ONE GOODNEWS & ONE BAD NEWS.SANTA FIRST ASKED THE GOODNEWS.
BANTA SAID"THE GOODNEWS IS THAT THERE IS A MATCH IN HEAVEN TOMORROW & I'AM THE OPENING BATSMAN".
THEN SANTA ASKED THE BAD NEWS & BANTA SAID "THE BAD NEWS IS THAT YOU ARE THE OPENING BOWLER IN THAT MATCH!!!".
____________________________________________________________________

Once two friends were boasting about themselves. Santa Singh:Once my granfather's wrist- watch fell in the well.When it was taken out after thirty years it was still running.
Banta Singh:So what's great about it!Once my grandfather himself fell into the well.When he taken out afer thirty years he was still alive.
Santa Singh:How can it be possible. What was he doing in the well for thirty years?
Banta Singh:Why not! He was winding your granfather's wrist-watch. 
__________________________________________________________________

Once Santa Singh and some other country scientists came for launching a rocket.They started the counting 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 go!The rocket was still there.They tried it 3,4 times.
Then Santa said"Wait I'll try"
He climed up the rocket,first tilted to left,then to the right.He climed down,and then asked them to count.They started 10 9 8......go!The rocket went.
Everybody asked "How did u do it''.
Santa replied"In our country we start our bajaj scooter like that only...
_______________________________________________________________

Q:What is difference between a donkey and a sardar?
A:Only this a donkey has a tail.
________________________________________________________________

One day Santa told Banta that Hindustan & Bharat are on war.
Banta replied but we live in India 
______________________________________________

ONE DAY SANTA WAS CRYING. BANTA ASKED HIM WHY ARE YOU CRYING . HE ANSWERED I HAVE ONLY ONE BROTHER & BUT MY SISTER HAS TWO

___________________________________________________

_GUys pls contribute_
*MOds Make it sticky*


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## Apollo (Jun 9, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

*Don't mess with a chicken!*

Bear says: "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."

Lion says: "If I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me." 

Says the chicken: "Big deal I only have to cough, and the entire planet sh*ts itself."


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## gary4gar (Jun 9, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

thanx for response.lets make this thread a succes by dailly updating it


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## gary4gar (Jun 9, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Customer : I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer : Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and
all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

_________________________________
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer : A white one...
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support : Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer : Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support : That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer : No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on
my desk... sorry....
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Male customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates, damn it!
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try,
it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : I have problems printing in red...
Tech support : Do you have a color printer?
Customer : Aaaah....................thank you.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer : A teddy bear my boyfriend bought fo r me in the supermarket.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer : No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer : OK
Tech support: : Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer : Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer : Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter
V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer : Is that 7 in capital letters?
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support : Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer : Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support : Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer : Five stars.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer : Netscape.
Tech support : That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer : Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : How may I help you?
Customer : I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support : OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer : Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the
circle around it?
__________________________________________________ ____________________
A woman customer called the IBM help desk with a problem with her IBM Infoprint printer.

Tech support : Are you running it under windows?
Customer : "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and
his printer is working fine."
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the
screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program
Manager."
Customer : I don't have a P.
Tech support : On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer : What do you mean?
Tech support : "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer : I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
__________________

Thats all for today


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## gary4gar (Jun 10, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!", said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"







GIRL;Sir,could you please take my brother home because he is lost.
POLICEMAN:Why?Can't you take him home yourself.
GIRL:Because I'm lost too.


Once when the Pope is visiting U.S.A, he suddenly feels like driving the car.
He says to his driver,"I would like to drive the car for today".
But the driver says,"You don't have a licence sir & You don't know how to drive".
Pope says,"You have to obey me or else you will have to go to prison".
The poor driver had to give the wheel to him. The pope drove like a manic since he didn't know how to drive a car. A Police Officer seeing this signaled to stop the car. Pope stoped the car after his driver told him that the Police Officer singnaled him to stop. When the Police Officer came to the driver's window, he stared at the Pope for a moment and looked at the passenger's seat and started staring at the driver. Then he took out his walkie-talkie and called the President and said,"Sir,We have a Very Important Person here. I don't know him but Pope is his driver."


Burgler enters a policeman's house to steal. The wife wakes up and shakes her husband to wake up.
Wife: Look a burgler has come in our house. Catch him and take him to police station.
Husband: Dear, I am not on duty. Sleep now and I will take care of it in the morning.




There were three friends, Mad, Nobody and Somebody. One day, Somebody fought with Nobody and killed him. At once Mad called the police and said,"Somebody killed Nobody." The police asked him,"Are you mad?" and Mad said,"How did you guess?."



Lady:"i am in the middle of the road, can you tell me how to get to the hospital".
policeman:" just stay where you are and then you will get there anyway".




Policeman(to the watchman): Where were you when the labourer was kidnapped.
Watchman: I was on duty
Policeman: Then why didn't you try to save him.
Watchman: Sir, my duty is to keep watch on the building & not on the men of the building




Policeman:Stop, stop ,your headlights are not working
The Man:Move, move ,even the brakes are not moving




Q)Why is our Delhe Police considered most efficient?
Ans)Because they can tell about a robbery two days in advance.




Police:[to robber]Are you not ashamed?You come to jail so often?
Robber:[to police]Why should I be sir.You also come here everyday.


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## MegaD3th3K (Jun 11, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

u might have heard these non-tech related jokes already. but anyway...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
an american and an idian archaelogist were discussing abt their country's technological progress. the american said, "during one of our recent excavations, we found copper wires which clearly indicates tht we had telephones for a long time in america!". Not to be outdone, the indian replied "during our excavations, we found nothing which proves tht we had wireless technology for a long time!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
an american, a german and a sardar were standing in front of a mirror. the mirror was rumoured to have magical powers. anyone who said a lie would get sucked into it. the german says "I think i am the smartest guy in the world!". WHOOOSH. he was sucked in. next it was the americans turn. he says "I think i am the most handsome man in the .......". before he could complete, WHOOOOSH, he too was sucked in! Not deterred by the misfortune of his partners, the sardar proudly says "I think ................................" WHOOOOOOOOOOOSH.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
for guys who dont know hindi, a duck is called BATAK
manmohan singh and president bush were visiting Queen Elizabeth. they were asked to wait in the garden for _her royal highness_. the garden had a large pond right in the middle and there were many ducks swimming in it. when the queen finally arrived, president bush greeted her "ur majesty u look very $3xy today!". not to be outdone, manmohan singh tells her "ur machesthee, ur bataks are very beautiful!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
go here for some tech related jokes:*www.rinkworks.com/stupid/
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
a few examples from rinkworks:
I burned a CD with some multimedia stuff on it for a friend of a friend. He couldn't get them working, because, it turned out, he had a 486 with 8 megs of RAM.
Him: "How come they don't work?"
Me: "You need a new motherboard, CPU, case, power supply, lots more RAM, and maybe a new video card."
Him: "Can you download them for me?" 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "I'd like to buy 2.5 gigabyte hard disk for my 286." 
The machine didn't even have an IDE controller, so I had to explain there was no way he could get the disk.
Customer: "OK, I'LL GET IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE THEN!" 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am the tech consultant for a computer repair company, but we also sell computers. Once, I had a teen walk in and say he wanted a gaming PC. I asked what kind of games he wanted to play.
Him: "Maybe I could get an Apple II to play Halo -- that's going to be about $20, right?" 
I laughed and said that an Apple II wasn't going to cut it and that a PC that Halo could run on would run about $600. It wasn't what he wanted to hear.
Him: "Ok, how about a 50 megabyte hard drive, to make my other computer run faster?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went with a friend to help him shop for a computer. Looking through the different varieties, he said, "I don't think I can afford one of these big ones [desktop machines]. I think I'll have to go with one of these little ones [laptops]."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A while back, a friend of mine and I were discussing his new computer when he made a comparison to another friend's computer and said, "I know mine's better because it's bigger." I had a hard time not laughing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "Do I need a monitor? I have everything else."
Tech Support: "Yes, ma'am."
Customer: "Why? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of."


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## gary4gar (Jun 11, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Once two morons got fed up with the Indian Government and decided to blow up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off.
On the way one moron asks the other, "What will happen if the bombs blast off now."
The other says, "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"




Two morons walked towards each other on a country road. One carried a bag over his shoulder.
"What's in the bag?", said one moron
"Chickens", was the reply.
"If I guess their number correctly, how many can I have?"
"You can have both of them."
"OK," said the first moron, "Five."



Binny: "What happened to John, his nose was all swollen this morning?"
Pratik: "He tried to smell a brose."
Binny: "You mean a rose? There is no 'b' in a rose."
Binny: "There was a 'b' (bee) in this one."




moron1:Why can't we see the Sun at night?
moron2: Because it is too dark.




One evening, Ramesh and Mohan met in a garden. Suddenly Ramesh saw something that astonished him
Ramesh: That’s a strange pair of socks you are wearing- one green and one blue!
Mohan: That’s funny. I’ve got another pair just like this at home.




Rohan and Mohan got up on a double-decker bus. After a short while, frightened Rohan came down from the upper deck.
Conductor: Why did you come down?
Rohan: There is no driver in that bus.




There were 2 morons and each had a horse. They decided to put the horses in a shed for one month while they went on vacation.
One guy asked the other guy "How they were going to tell which one belonged to whom?"
After many long hours of thinking they finally came up with a solution.
They would shave the mane of one. That one belonged to the 1st farmer. So, they put the horses in the shed and left. When they came back the mane had grown back. They asked each other which belonged to whom.
Then the 1st farmer said, "OK I will take the black one you take the white one."




Did you hear about the idiot who made his chickens drink boiling water?
He thought they would lay hard boiled eggs.




Q:Which coat can you can put on wet?
A:A coat of paint




POOJA:WHAT NATIONALITY ARE YOU?
GLORY:MY FATHER IS FROM ICELAND AND MY MOTHER IS FROM CUBA.
POOJA:SO YOU ARE AN ICECUBE?




Customer:I like the material of the shirt but I did not like the shade
Shopkeeperon't worry sir ,after one wash it will dissappear.




Once a moron was going on a walk when he saw an ant. He hated ants and was about to stamp it.
Seeing this, the ant begged him not to stamp it today as it was it's birthday. Hearing this the moron picked the ant and said,"ok, let's celebrate your birthday.
I'll sing and you dance. The moron then started clapping and singing, "Happy Birthday to you!..." and killed the ant while doing so




FIRST MORON:I AM THE KING OF THIS WORLD.
SECOND MORON:WHO TOLD YOU?
FIRST MORON:GOD TOLD ME.
SECOND MORON: DON'T LIE. I NEVER TOLD YOU SUCH A THING




Once a moron got down at Agra.He thought that it was Delhi and searched for taxies which would take him to the Red Fort. Every taxi driver told him he didn't know the road to the Red Fort. After nearly twelve hours, he met another moron. the first moron asked:"Do you know the road to the Red Fort?"
The second moron asked him:"When did you arrive here?"
The first moron answered:"This morning.Why?"
The Second moron said:"That's a relief!What stupid city this is!I've been here a whole month searching for the Qutubminar!"




A moron asks another: if your dog lost his tail where would you get another one from?
Other moron: from a re-tail shop. 
_________________________________________________________________


pls give some responses.


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## Rollercoaster (Jun 11, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

response to gary4gar: nice jokes mate!


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## gary4gar (Jun 11, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

A man visited a headmaster who was playing chess with his dog.
"Your dog must be very intelligent," said the man.
"Not really," said the headmaster. "I've won three games out of four."




Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.




Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.
Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can’t even ride a bicycle




Baby snake to its mother: Are we poisonous?
Mother: Why?
Baby: Because I've just bitten my tongue!




A frog went to an astrologer and was told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog said, “That’s great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”
“No”, said the astrologer, “Next term—in her biology class.”




First cow: Moo
Second cow: Baa
First cow: What do you mean, baa?
Second cow: I’m learning a foreign Language.




A family of mice were surprised by a big cat.
Father Mouse jumped and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away.
"What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse.
"Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."



Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.
The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back.
A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, and let’s eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"




What should you do if you find yourself in the same room as Frankenstein, Dracula, a werewolf, a vampire and a coven of witches?
Keep your fingers crossed that it's a fancy dress party.




A snail got mugged by two tortoises. When he went to the police, they questioned him as to what happened.
He said, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"



A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, ''Hey, we have a drink named after you!''
The grasshopper looks surprised and says, ''You have a drink named Steve?''



Witch: "I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someone's ear off!"
Doctor: "Oh dear, that's a lot of calories"



An elephant was walking in a park. With each step he took, he squished many little ants.
Upset, the ants began to crawl up on the elephant -- first his legs and then up all over his body. When the elephant started feeling all the little ants on him, he shook hard, making all the little ants, except for one, fall to the ground.
As the only ant on the elephant hung on close to the elephant's neck, the ones on the ground began to yell, "Strangle him!!! Strangle him!!!"




ELEPHANT WAS ANGRY WITH ANT & WAS SEARCHING HER SUDDENLY HE FOUND THE ANT IN TEMPLE IN THE PLATE OF PRASAD HOW THE ELEPHANT FOUND HER
ANS:- ANT'S SHOES WERE AT THE GATE OF TEMPLE




Teacher:Name an animal found in the desert?
Rahul:Camel.
Teacher: Good,name another animal found in the desert?
Rahul:Another camel 

warning:kripya apni fridge lock kar le kyonki abhi abhi pata chala hai ki cheetah bhi peeta hai

Submited By: shubham


What goes 99 clump , 99 clump 99 clump , 99 clump , 99 clump ? Ans:- A centipede with a wooden leg!!!




customer:- How long do you expect me to wait for half chicken?
Waiter:- Until someone else order for the other half. We can't go & kill half a hen!




Why do gorrillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers




A farmer concerned about well-meaning holiday makers feeding his horse. The farmer put a notice that said: Please do not feed cakes and buns to the horse
signed: The farmer.
Shortly afterwards the horse had put a notice that said: Please do not pay attention to the above notice.
signed: The horse




A boy went into a pet_shop and said to the man behind the counter, "Have you got any parrot-seed?"
"Oh.you've got a parrot, have you?" said the man.
"No," said the boy. "But I'd like to grow one!"




Once it was ant's birthday and she was looking beautiful in a lehenga-Chhunni.When the elephant came he took the ant in his hand and clapped and started singing 'Happy birthday to you.....'.But alas the ant died.




Teacher: John name me six animals that live on the snow. John:Three polar bears and three penguins.




Q: What did honey bee say when come back to home? A: "Honey i am home."




Ajay: My dog is very intelligent.
Timmy: How do you know?
Ajay: When I asked him what is 2 - 2 he kept quiet.




John:Name 6 animals which live in the north pole.
Maria:3 polar bears and 3 seals.



What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
They're both extinct.



Gagan: "A dog bit me on the leg this morning."
Mohit: "Did you put anything on it?"
Gagan: "No, he liked it plain."



Customer: "When I bought this cat, you told me he was good for mice. He doesn't go near them!"
Shopkeeper: "Well, isn't that good for mice?"




How can you tell if two octopus' are lovers ?
They walk arm in arm in arm in arm!


----------



## gary4gar (Jun 11, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

*Famous quotes*-from other forum



# The more i meet people the more i love my dog.

# Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

# Trust in God but lock ur car.

# I may be fat but ur ugly, and i can loose weight.

# Mothers are biological necessity, fathers are social inventions.

# There are women i could spend eternity with, but not this life.

The only advantage of living on Earth: It provides a free trip around the sun

There is no genius without sign of madness ....

#Life in VACUUM............SUCKSSSSSS

-- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by

-- I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart

-- His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.

-- I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want an adorable pancreas?

-- I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

"Lead, follow or get out of the way..."

Behind every successful man there is a woman..and behind every unsuccessful man there are two

# Love conquers everything except poverty and tooth ache

Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today."Work fascinates me"I can look at it for hours!
Love thy neighbor.But don't get caught.

"Looking like an idiot is the first sign of true love'.

# Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die

"When someone you love hurts you,
cry a river,
build a bridge,
and GET OVER IT.

#When u see women marry you realise how they must hate to work for living.

Your future depends on your dreams So go to sleep

# Smile yaar, its the second best thing u can do with ur lips.

#Home is where television is.

Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
-------------------------------
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
-------------------------------
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired
-------------------------------
Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

Every man shud marry..afterall happiness is not the only thing..

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" . . . 'till you can find a rock!


----------



## MegaD3th3K (Jun 11, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

@gary4gar: realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly funnnnnnnnnny jokes!


----------



## gary4gar (Jun 12, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

*World cup Joke*
To get everyone in the mood for the world cup....

It is just before an India v Brazil qualifying game.

Ronaldino goes into the Brazilian changing room to
find all his teammates looking a bit glum.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only India. They're sh*t and we can't be bothered".

Ronaldino looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub."

So Ronaldino goes out to play India by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.

After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - India 0 (Ronaldino 10 minutes)". He is beating India all by himself!

Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put the teletext on.

"Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldino 10 minutes) India 1 (Bhaichung 89 minutes)". They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against India!!

They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldino. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against India, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"


"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 11 minutes"


----------



## Vyasram (Jun 13, 2006)

*F1 + Soccer*

*F1 jokes*

Why does Kimi prefer walkin back to the garage?
At least that way he won't hav 2 engine failures in the same race.

Why did Montoya get a podium position in monaco?
Cuz ther'z no grass on the monaco circut to mow on.

Why did Jaques get penalised in the pit?
Cuz he was running a proper race soo far.

Why did Coulthard wear a cape after gettin off the car?
Cuz he jus crapped in all that excitement.

Wat did Ron Dennis tell Kimi after the monaco race?
Who said mclaren's r unreliable, Montoya's on podium,wat other reason do u want. 

Wat did Uji Ide ask the race engineer during the race?
"Wher'z the reset button, i want to start all over." 

How do u make a renault engine to develop more "horse" power?
Get the bloody "donkey" outta it.

What did barri do when he saw schumi pull up behind him in monacco?
He switched off his radio.

Why wd anyone prefer Tigerwoods than a Mclaren.
TW can drive farther than 200m

Schumi and DC are in a desert. Evening comes, they set up their tent. Both go to sleep. DC wakes up in the middle of the night. Schumi isn't in the tent. He can hear something coming from outside the tent. DC peeps out and sees Schumi running around the tent like crazy, a big lion after him... DC: Run faster, he's gonna catch you! But Schumi kept his cool.

Reason: he already lapped that lion.

Why is Rubeno when at Ferrari was so popular with the ladies?
A: Because he lets his partner come first!

What's the difference between Ide and a bus driver?
One is a highly skilled professional driver, and the other is in Formula 1

The F1 race in Monaco ends with a big crash. Six drivers are killed, Kimi Raikonnen is one of them. 

Now his wife is invited to come to the morgue to identify her Kimi.

The coroner opens the first box - she: "No, that's not my Kimi!"
The coroner opens the second box - she: "No, that's not my Kimi!"
The coroner opens the third box - she: "No, that's not my Kimi!"
The coroner opens the fourth box - she: "Sniff - yes - sniff, that's my Kimi!"

And suddenly she loses self-control and cries: "F****** Kimi, again not in the first three!!!"

*Reasons why regular cars are far superior than Formula One racing cars *

No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft! 

No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head. 

No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to. 

No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while. 

No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other. 

No ashtrays and electric lighter... 

No windshield wipers... and they expect them to race in the rain? 

No windshields... Well, I guess no. 7 and 8 go hand in hand. 

No turn signals... How can they indicate they intend to pass? 

No headlights... No wonder they only drive in the day time. 

Only one brake light... 

Only one seat... How can a guy go necking with his girlfriend at the local drive in? 

No anchor for a baby seat... And they are trying to make us believe that safety comes first? 

No trunk... 

No adjustable seats... (mine goes back and forth, and can be tilted as well) 

High fuel consumption... 

Engines that don't last... 

Tyres that just wear off in no time flat... 

Where's the bloody ignition? I guess it's back to the old Model T days when the cars had to be crank started. 

No sun visor... Must be fun driving those things with the sun in the eyes. Talk about accidents waiting to happen


All jokes r taken frm various websites


*Soccer*

Match between Brazil and Dummies

Ronaldhino says "i 'll take them out single handedly"

Match changed to Ronaldhino vs Dummies

Score at Half time

Brazil 1 0 Dummies (ron 19')

Full time score (Brazil 1 1 Dummies (xyz 89'))

Ron complains "That ref screwed me from winning this match"

Teammates ask "He dissallowed a goal, eh?"

Ron : "no"

Teammates: "The dummies were offside when they equalized?"

Ron:"No, the ref sent me off in the 20th min"



Q: What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
A: The scenter spot!

Q: Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space?
A: Because there is no atmosphere!

Q: What's the chilliest ground in the premiership?
A: Cold Trafford!

Q: How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle?
A: Somebody took a corner!

Q: Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?
A: Paul gas coin!

Q: What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
A: Ince pies!

Q: What does a footballer and a magician have in common?
A: Both do hat tricks!

Q: Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
A: All of them, a crossbar can't jump!

Q: Why are football players never asked for dinner?
A: Because they're always dribbling!

Q: Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?
A: Because he liked sole music

Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over...as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are "Where the hell am I?". The Cashier replies: "don't worry, its ok, you're in the Nationwide." Ferguson replies, "F*** me, is it May already?"


Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:
"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan."
So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"

Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem. 

Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem. 

Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved

Q: What does Jose say when Chelsea score?
A: Fantastic. Now let us try to get goal at the other 

Q: What do you get if you see a Chelsea fan buried up to his neck in sand?
A: More sand.

A bloke goes into Stanstead Airport and manages to eventually get into the departure lounge where his flight home is being called. All around him there are overturned tables, smashed windows, computer terminals broken, upturned chairs and crowd control barriers lying on the floor.

"Christ, what's happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew.

"Oh yeah...", he replies "Absolutely hopeless .... we had the Chelsea players in here this morning filming the new Nike ad".



A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored judge said to him "So why don't you want to live with your dad?"
"Because he beats me" said the little boy.
"Why don't you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
Because she beats me aswell.
"Oh" said the judge "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied" I would like to live with Sunderland, because they don't beat anyone!!"



Alex Ferguson is curious how Arsenal reached the cl finals, so he decides on a visit to London to see how Arsene Wenger coaches his team. After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Wenger how he gets his players so sharp. 'Well it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally'. Of course Fergie wants an example, so Wenger asks Bergkamp to come over to the sidelines. He asks: 'Dennis, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is not difficult', Dennis answers immediately, 'Of course that is me'. 'You see? That's the way you keep them sharp', Wenger says to Fergie. Ferguson, who wants to shine in Europe also, decides to bring this into Manchester United's practice the next day. He calls Rooney over to the sidelines. 'Wayne, I have a question for you', he says, 'He is not your brother, but still he is your father's son, who is he?' 'My God, Coach', is the reply, 'That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why do you ask me these questions?' Fergie explains it has to do with some continental coaching trick and agrees with the one night postponement. So that night Rooney decides to call Jaap Stam. He has played on the continent, maybe he knows something about these continental coaching methods. 'Jaap, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is easy, that is me!', says Jaap Stam. So the next day Wayne walks full of confidence to Ferguson. Fergie asks: 'Wayne, do you know the answer to my question now?'. 'Yes it was actually very easy', he says, 'Is it Jaap Stam?' Ferguson answers: 'No of course not you stupid idiot. It's Dennis Bergkamp


There was a Arsenal. fan with a really crappy seat at Highbury. Looking with his binoculars he spotted an empty seat on the half way line. Thinking to himself "What a waste", he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Arsenal fan." The other man replied, "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask you why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."



Buffon was walking along the street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smoke billowing from a fourth-floor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby.

"Help ! Help!" screamed the woman, "I need someone to catch my baby!"

A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. then Buffon, stepped forward. "I'm a professional goalkeeper," he called to the woman. "I'm renonwned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball."
The woman agreed:"Ok, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball."
On a count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as the goalkeeper lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as he caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it twice on the ground and kicked it 50 yards down the street.



A border dispute emerged between heaven and hell. God invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan, the devil, proposed a soccer game between heaven and earth.
God, always fair, told the devil, 'The heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided, don't you know all the "good" players go to heaven?" 
The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the refs'..."


All jokes are taken from various websites


----------



## gary4gar (Jun 13, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Teacher - Where is himalaya.
Kid - Madam!I don't know.
Teacher- Don't know? Stand on the desk.
Kid - I still cant see.



Teacher:What's the meaning of a school?

Robin: A school is a place where father pays and the child plays!



Raj:What is your baby brother name
Raju:I dont know he can"t talk yet



Girl: "What did you get that little medal for?"
Boy: "For singing."
Girl: "What did you get the big one for?"
Boy: "For stopping."




Son: "Dad, are you getting taller?"
Dad: "No, why do you ask?"
Son: "Because your head is growing through your hair!"



A little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he tapped his teacher on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."



Raju: "What sort of a car has your dad got?"
Ajay: "I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T."
Raju: "Really - Ours only starts with petrol."




Q:WHAT IS THE NAME OF A CITY IN WHICH WE CANNOT ENTER?
A:ELECTRICITY




Teacher:Ramu,what is far moon or Bombay?
Ramu:Bombay,because we can see moon,but we cannot see Bombay.




There were two brothers, who were very naughty. If anything went wrong in a locality they were suspected. So one day their parents decided to take them to a counsellor.
At the counsellor’s place, he asked the younger brother: “Where is God?”
The kid went blank. The counsellor again repeated the question. At this the kid cried and went to his older brother saying that they were in trouble because God was lost and they were being suspected for stealing him.
Sahib Aggarwal, Jammu (J&K)




Rajiv: Oh God! Please make Mumbai the capital of India
Mother: But why son?
Rajiv: Because that’s what I wrote in my test paper.
Naina: We should use soap to keep our body clean. What should we do to keep our heart clean?
Nancy- I don’t know !!! Probably we must eat the soap.



Son: “Mon, teacher was asking me today, if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school.”
Mom: “That’s nice of her to take such an interest in you.So what did she say when you told her that you’re the only child, my dear?”
Son: “She just said… “Thank goodness!”




Father: “Son, why are you standing with your hands up?”
Son: “Because you told me to revise everything I did in school today!”



The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, “What did you learn today?”
The kid replies, “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”



Early one morning, a lady went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

______________________________________________
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink
for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps
next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The
poor little guy starts crying.

"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time." says the truck
driver. "I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a
man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life." says the little guy between
sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an
important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the
parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance.
I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my
wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with
the neighbor. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage
to put an end to my life. And then you show up and drink the
poison."

______________________________________________
A bus stops, and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice. Then I come ona lasta time.”

“You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country . . .we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives . . ”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sex? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘Mississippi’.”
_____________________________________________
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!

_______________________________________________________________
guys pls give some response


----------



## aryayush (Jun 14, 2006)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

This joke is taken from somewhere else in this forum but it was a picture so I just typed it up and posted it in its appropriate place.  Enjoy!

*REMEMBER THE TIME

A computer was something on T.V.
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of goat
An application was for employment
A program was a T.V. show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out
Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You’d be in jail for a while
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened in your commode
Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web site was a spider’s home
And a virus was the flu
I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!*​


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## rakeshishere (Jul 1, 2006)

*Computer Pranks!!!!!!*

This thread will be dedicated for computer pranks and jokes.....Pleaz post some really good ones.......Here is my share which i think is the best among all....

www.rjlsoftware.com


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## rakeshishere (Jul 1, 2006)

*Re: Computer Pranks!!!!!!*

Some more cool links for having some real fun.....
www.computerpranks.com
www.lizardworks.com/pranks.html
www.mrfreefree.com/free_internet_services/pranks.html
www.charlietubbles.com/computerpranks.htm
www.prank.org
www.zug.com/pranks/fooltool/

      View these links for pranks, gags and Tons of jokes


----------



## mediator (Jul 2, 2006)

*Re: Computer Pranks!!!!!!*

This shud definately be made sticky!!


----------



## casanova (Jul 2, 2006)

*Re: Computer Pranks!!!!!!*

Wrong section. This shud be in the generals section.


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## nitish_mythology (Jul 3, 2006)

*Re: Computer Pranks!!!!!!*

The thread is nice but shd b in the General section...
Reported to a mod..


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## rakeshishere (Jul 4, 2006)

*Deadly PJs.... Commit suicide at your own risk..*

1. Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the velocity of light.
On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.
Stranger: 'Sir, can I know your name please'
Gulshan : 'I am Gulshan Grocer'
Stranger : Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??
Gulshan: No it is Grocer.
Now tell me why did Gulshan say so...

ANS: Because at the speed of light V=C


2. Ek baar ek aadmi ek auto mein baithta hai aur ghar le jaane ko bolta hai..
Autowala, yeh dekhkar ki aadmi sheher mein naya hai,bahut ghumak phira
Ke le jaata hai aur bahut charge kar deta hai.
Ghar pahunchte pahunchte bahut der ho jaati hai aur andhera ho jaata
Hai.
Aadmi pehle se hi bahut frustrated hai aur ghar jaake dekhta hai ki
Bijli nahi hoti hai.
Par aadmi ko sab kuch saaf saaf dikhayee deta hai. Kaise???
Kyonki autowala aadmi ko ULLOO bana deta hai aur usko raat ko sab kuch
Saaf saaf dikhta hai.
3. Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?
Because he said 'Sue kare chhe.'

4. What did the Gujju! mean when he said," Maro dikro
STATES ma gayon?"
His son failed in statistics.

5. Maro dikro Dubai gayo?
My son drowned.

6. Question: An elephant was in love with a she-elephant.
But the she-elephant went and got married to some
other elephant. So our elephant was very Depressed.
One of his friends felt sorry for him, and took him
to a park to cheer him up. In the park, they sat on a
see-saw, but the see-saw broke. Now, which song
would our hero sing?
Ans: "See-saw ho ya dil ho, aakhir toot jaata hai."

7. Question: Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in
love with each other and want to get married, but
cannot.
Why?
Ans: Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" is
illegal.

8. Question: One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day
for all his bad deeds. He felt that he should go an
apologise to Ram for all the problems he had
caused. So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door.
Ram opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan
standing there. Ravan just kept staring and
thinking but didn't say a word. What was he thinking?
Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"

9. Question: How do you "cut" roads?
Ans: By laughing... because "Haste haste cut jaye
raaste".

10. Question: Luv and Kush are going to a village and
pass by a well. Luv falls into the well. Why?
Ans: Because Luv is blind.

11. Question: Now, Kush also jumps in. Why?
Ans: Because Luv ke liye saala Kush bhi karega!
12. Question: Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya
hai?...........
.........Socho, socho. Nahi pata?

Ans: D'Cold; Because... Chain ki saans - D'Cold

13. Question: Chalo ab batao, Jackie Chan ki bahu ka
naam kya hai? ..........
.............
This one's really simple...

Ans: D'Cold again... Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu
thi
14. Question: In an elephant school, some loafer
elephants were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female
elephant passes by. What do the loafer elephants
say about her?

Ans: Look yaar, 36000 - 24000 - 36000!!
15. Question: Prasad asks Kumble to bring a Pepsi.
Kumble brings a bottle, but takes it directly to
Tendulkar.
Why?
Ans: Because Tendulkar is an opener.

16. Question: Who is Joe?
Ans: Kambakth ishq... Because "Kambakth ishq hai
Joe!"


----------



## __Virus__ (Jul 4, 2006)

*Re: Deadly PJs.... Commit suicide at your own risk..*

**Dies after reading the first joke**


----------



## Vyasram (Jul 4, 2006)

*Re: Deadly PJs.... Commit suicide at your own risk..*

there is a separate thread for jokes and lite talk

*www.thinkdigit.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29532&highlight=jokes


----------



## moshel (Jul 6, 2006)

*Re: Deadly PJs.... Commit suicide at your own risk..*

thats the worst set of Jokes.....ever....u deserve to die.................


----------



## Rollercoaster (Jul 6, 2006)

*Re: Deadly PJs.... Commit suicide at your own risk..*

yo man. there should be(there is) one place for jokes n similar 'tuff. this way it is all "distributed database" and lesser people enjoy the jokes and more people get annoyed at the clutter....

i dont like these jokes.. they are bullshi#. waste of space.


----------



## ~Phenom~ (Jul 6, 2006)

*Re: Deadly PJs.... Commit suicide at your own risk..*

they are just rubbish.


----------



## go_gamez (Jul 6, 2006)

*Re: Deadly PJs.... Commit suicide at your own risk..*

all pjs ...gift it to our respected .president of india... cauz he is a pj (A P J Abdul  Kalam )...i know this  is also one of the worst PJ ..


----------



## teknoPhobia (Jul 6, 2006)

*Re: Deadly PJs.... Commit suicide at your own risk..*

*Gack* *Hack* *Cough* *Cough* Keels over and dies


----------



## dIgItaL_BrAt (Jul 6, 2006)

*Re: Deadly PJs.... Commit suicide at your own risk..*



			
				teknoPhobia said:
			
		

> *Gack* *Hack* *Cough* *Cough* Keels over and dies



+1


----------



## Chirag (Aug 27, 2006)

*Jokes*

Hey now I m starting a joke thread. So guys post all the jokes u know here and make others laugh. I know there were many other threads but I searched but didn't find one.

This is a non veg joke but its kewl.

*When Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he said "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind, good luck Mr. Goorski." 

For years, mission control tried to find what he meant by "Good luck Mr. Goorski." They checked with Russian astronauts but could not locate Mr. Goorski. Until now, Neil would not reveal what he meant by "Good luck Mr. Goorski." 

Today in a press conference, he told reporters that years ago, when he was a young boy, he and his brother were playing ball when his brother hit the ball under their neighbor's bedroom window. When Neil went to retrieve the ball, he overheard his neighbor's wife, Mrs. Goorski, telling her husband, "ORAL SEX? I'LL GIVE YOU ORAL SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"*

 

Now even if its old then don't say its old or read somewhere. Jst post jokes.


----------



## SolidSnake (Sep 8, 2006)

*Hindi meaning of some English words*

*img425.imageshack.us/img425/2431/hindimeaningofsomewordyz9.jpg
***********


----------



## draco (Sep 8, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

haha..........that's a good one!!! where did you get it???


----------



## hemant_mathur (Sep 8, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

nice ones.


----------



## ilugd (Sep 8, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

Tie = Kant Langot..

ROFL


----------



## Vishal Gupta (Sep 8, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

The best one were:

table tennis
Tea &
Mosquito was amazing.  

I hv also heard about button : vastra sanyojak yantra


----------



## led_shankar (Sep 8, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

OMG

I thought these were real, until I saw tea (chai) and mosquito (machchar)
__________


			
				ilugd said:
			
		

> Tie = Kant Langot..
> 
> ROFL


I had a seriously dirty interpretation of that one


----------



## SolidSnake (Sep 9, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*



			
				led_shankar said:
			
		

> I had a seriously dirty interpretation of that one


 
What was that?

Kisiki ko pataa hai ki Electronic ko Hindi mein kya kehte hain?


----------



## led_shankar (Sep 9, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

@SolidSnake: I'll tell you only after you make a few guesses


----------



## aadipa (Sep 9, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

Telephones are दूरध्वनी and Mobiles are भ्रमणध्वनी. More common but funny.

@SolidSnake: isn't electronic = विद्युत ?


----------



## led_shankar (Sep 9, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

@aadipa: I believe that _vidyut_ is _electric_, not electronic. Totally different things, as you know.


----------



## SolidSnake (Sep 10, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

विद्युत = Electricity (Electric Current)

Shankar, bataa do yaar warna neend nahin aayegi.


----------



## led_shankar (Sep 10, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*



			
				SolidSnake said:
			
		

> विद्युत = Electricity (Electric Current)
> 
> Shankar, bataa do yaar warna neend nahin aayegi.


it is a very very crude thing that i cannot post her.

Basically, the first word in the phrase (esp. the one written by ilugd) sounds a lot like an English foul word....


----------



## anurag_online (Sep 10, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

OMG OMG mast hai


----------



## SolidSnake (Sep 10, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*



			
				led_shankar said:
			
		

> it is a very very crude thing that i cannot post her.
> 
> Basically, the first word in the phrase (esp. the one written by ilugd) sounds a lot like an English foul word....


 
I got it....first word of Tie's Hindi counterpart...


----------



## led_shankar (Sep 10, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

^

 congrats....now you can sleep.....


----------



## Vyasram (Sep 10, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

translation plz


----------



## led_shankar (Sep 10, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

haha

VyasRam, I sympathise with you....


----------



## Anand_RF (Sep 10, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

Lol yeah. Vyasram, some jokes are just meant to be heard in one language. Otherwise,they lose the effect.


----------



## Rollercoaster (Sep 10, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

lolz

btw they seem to me like descriptions more then hindi equivalants...
anyone got a hindi/sanskrit teacher as parents pls get some truth 

thr 1st one for cricket translates back too 
A compitition to repeatedly and enthusistacially hit the 'guttam' ball with a wooden flat piece of wood!!

technicially shouldnt cricket be just cricket as it is a noun(i think  )
sory for getting all nerdy here but - 

and also i think matchbox is just 'machis ki dibbi' 

my fav - lawn tennis... LOLz


----------



## ilugd (Sep 10, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

matchbox - machis ghar


----------



## TechGuru#1 (Sep 11, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

best,bester,bestest rofl!!!


----------



## sysfilez (Sep 11, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

OMG
hilarious isn't it. nice interpretation.


----------



## freakitude (Sep 11, 2006)

*Re: Hindi meaning of some English words*

lol


----------



## WHYIWASBANNEDFORNOREASON (Oct 27, 2006)

*Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*

Main kal bazaar ja raha tha

Ke meri chappal toot gai

AB chappal to "moochi" seeta hai

"seeta" to "darzi" bhi hai

"darzi "to "kapray" seeta hai

"kapray" to "rangeen" hotay hain

"rangeen" to "lota" bhi hota hai

" lota" to "bathroom" main hota hai

"bathroom" main to "nal" bhi hota hai

"nal" to "lohay" ka hota hai

"lohay" ki to "istiri" (Iron) bhi hoti hai

"istri" to "garam" hoti hai

"garam" to "Custard" bhi hota hai

"custard" to "peela" hota hai

"peela" to "chooza" bhi hota hai

"chooza" to "anday" main se nikalta hai

"anda" to "sufaid" hota hai

"sufaid" to "doodh" bhi hota hai

"doodh" to "bhains" daity hai

"bhains" to "kaali" hoti hai

"kaala" to "bangali" bhi hota hai

"bangali" to "paan" khata hai

"paan" to "laal" hota hai

"laal" to "gulab"bhi hota hai

"gulaab" main to "kantay' hotay hain

"kantain" to "machli" main bhi hotay hain

"machli' to "acchi" hoti hai

"achcha" to "Bander" bhi hota hai

"bander' to! "bander' hota hai

Padhne walay "bunder" jaisay hi hotay hain

"Jo padh kar apna time barbad

Karte hain.."

Well..

Ooper wale nay aap ko

Bheja to bheja .

"per bheja to

Aisa bheja...."

Ki

"bheje mein bheja hi nahi

Bheja.".

Ye mujhe kisi

NE bheja ..

Isliye Maine aap ko bheja....

Aap ko Bura Laga ?

Toh Aap Kisi

Aur ko Bhej Do.

Hisaab...barabar


----------



## mediator (Oct 28, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*



> "lohay" ki to "istiri" (Iron) bhi hoti hai


Lohay ka to mera haaat bi hai
haat mein khujli bi hoti hai
khujli to jhapad maarke bi theek ki jaa sakti hai
theek to tumhara thopda bi hai
tumhaarey thopde pe to khujli bi mitai ja sakti hai!

 Just kidding!


----------



## hemant_mathur (Oct 28, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*

Heh heh .. nice one


----------



## Zeeshan Quireshi (Oct 28, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*



			
				mediator said:
			
		

> Lohay ka to mera haaat bi hai
> haat mein khujli bi hoti hai
> khujli to jhapad maarke bi theek ki jaa sakti hai
> theek to tumhara thopda bi hai
> ...



too good yaar


----------



## sysfilez (Oct 28, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*



			
				mediator said:
			
		

> Lohay ka to mera haaat bi hai
> haat mein khujli bi hoti hai
> khujli to jhapad maarke bi theek ki jaa sakti hai
> theek to tumhara thopda bi hai
> ...


too good mediator, u really made me laugh out loud. gr8 answer buddy.


----------



## Zeeshan Quireshi (Oct 28, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*

i really fell from my chair laughing after i read mediator's answer


----------



## jack// ani (Oct 28, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*



			
				mediator said:
			
		

> Lohay ka to mera haaat bi hai
> haat mein khujli bi hoti hai
> khujli to jhapad maarke bi theek ki jaa sakti hai
> theek to tumhara thopda bi hai
> ...



LOL..........ROFL....nice dude


----------



## Kiran.dks (Oct 28, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*

hehehe...nice dude...simply cooool!


----------



## blackpearl (Oct 28, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*

Hey, we need a shayeri thread here. What do you say?


----------



## max_demon (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

 lol u 14 year boy and non veg jokes and.....if i send *o**se li*ks then u .....
I knew u r not my friend Chirag I will find many but u ...
chod na janne de


----------



## mediator (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*

He's gonna kill me 4 sure !


----------



## hemant_mathur (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

That was a good one.


----------



## Chirag (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

@max demon - Hey dude this is a joke and shld I tell ppl what links u send???


----------



## max_demon (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*



			
				Chirag said:
			
		

> @max demon - Hey dude this is a joke and shld I tell ppl what links u send???


 he he he but u only send this joke and BTY that link reqs credit card no.


----------



## Tech Geek (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

I don't know how to post thumbnails. can any one tell me?


----------



## max_demon (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

yes, post them in www.imagestack.us and copy forum from there and paste here . C |-| I R /-\ G told me


----------



## shaunak (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

Stuff in my mail:'


```
Count every " F" in the following text: 
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE 
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI 
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH 
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... 

(SEE BELOW) 
HOW MANY ? 








WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke. 
READ IT AGAIN ! 
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down. 

The reasoning 
The brain cannot process "OF".
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius. 
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
```

more junk





> More Brain Stuff . . . From Cambridge University.
> 
> O lny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.
> 
> ...



and more

```
> >>>> >>The European Commission has just announced an
>
> >>>> >>agreement whereby English will be the official
>
> >>>> >>language of the European Union rather than German,
>
> >>>> >>which was the other possibility.
>
> >>>> >>As part of the negotiations, the British Government
>
> >>>> >>conceded that English spelling had some room for
>
> >>>> >>improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan
>
> >>>> >>that would become known as "Euro-English".
>
> >>>> >>In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
>
> >>>> >>Sertainly, this will make the
>
> >>>>sivil servants jump
>
> >>>> >>with joy.
>
> >>>> >>The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This
>
> >>>> >>should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
>
> >>>> >>one less letter.
>
> >>>> >>There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
>
> >>>> >>sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be
>
> >>>> >>replaced with "f". This will make words like
>
> >>>> >>fotograf 20% shorter.
>
> >>>> >>In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new
>
> >>>> >>spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where
>
> >>>> >>more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
>
> >>>> >>will enkourage the removal of double letters which
>
> >>>> >>have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
>
> >>>> >>Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of
>
> >>>> >>the silent"e"
>
> >>> >>in the languag is disgrasful and it should goaway.
>
> >>>> >>By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such
>
> >>>> >>as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
>
> >>>> >>During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
>
> >>>> >>from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer,
>
> >>>> >>ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
>
> >>>> >>Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun
>
> >>>> >>vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a
>
> >>>> >>united urop vil finali kum tru.
>
> >>>> >>Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German
>
> >>>> >>like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
>
> >>>> >>If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl
>
> >>>> >hafun...
>
>
>
>
>
```

And a one liner i read in RD: Never be afraid to try something new, remember professionals built the titanic, noah built the ark.


----------



## Tech Geek (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

u will like this


----------



## Tech Geek (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

Cant get the thumbnail still


----------



## aakash_mishra (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*

@mediator 
He is not going to kill you but in future I think he will not post such jokes.


----------



## WHYIWASBANNEDFORNOREASON (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*



			
				mediator said:
			
		

> He's gonna kill me 4 sure !


I don't take this type of thing seriously, moreover you have written just kidding after your answer.



			
				aakash_mishra said:
			
		

> @mediator
> He is not going to kill you but in future I think he will not post such jokes.


Why I will not post?


----------



## int86 (Oct 29, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK.  Cockroach walked.  Then he cut it's second leg and told the same.  Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same.   At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk.  Suddenly sardar said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf. 

On a political rally sardar was arrested. Why???  A woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" and  He did it..


----------



## subratabera (Oct 30, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*



			
				shaunak said:
			
		

> Stuff in my mail:'
> 
> 
> ```
> ...




Great stuff...


----------



## Rollercoaster (Oct 30, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

*pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/pics2/girlycops.jpg
*pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/pics2/catgamer.jpg*pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/pics2/ronaldgetsshow.gif
.................................................................................Burger king kills McDee


*and if u say u dont like my posts then....*
*pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/pics2/whatafunnybaby.gif


*If YOU still dont like my posts then this is going to happen to ur car....*
*pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/pics2/cheatergotrevenge.jpg
*with u in it!* 

*and i will send this agent to ur computer...*
*pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/pics2/harddrivekitty.jpg


----------



## mediator (Oct 30, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

OK here's mah contribution of some SANTA BANTA jokes!!




> Banta car ki battery change karwane gaya ...
> 
> Mechanic - Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ?
> 
> ...


----------



## Rollercoaster (Oct 30, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

please convert it to CODE insted of QUOTE


----------



## wizrulz (Oct 30, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*

WHYIWASBANNEDFORNOREASON 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 the reason now is obvious......just kidding


----------



## supernova (Oct 30, 2006)

*Pope & KFC*

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.

The Pope says, "What can I do?"

The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 

'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican." The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words." So the Colonel hangs up.

After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"

And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words."

So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales. The Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican."
The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you."

So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican."
The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news. The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."


----------



## nitish_mythology (Oct 30, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*

@Mediator
Keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!! Kya chop ki....


----------



## ruthless (Oct 30, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

Well I saw it in HUM TUM movie 

Behind Every succesful man there is a woman.

Thats because women doesnt go behind an  unsuccesful man


----------



## Chirag (Oct 30, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

Top 10 funny reasons you shouldn't upgrade to Internet Explorer 7. 



> 1. Because there are plenty of known bugs in IE6. No need to get new ones in IE7.
> 
> 2. Because Bill Gates will give you a dollar if you use Firefox and email this top 11 list to 11 friends.
> 
> ...


 
Funny One-Liners



> 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
> 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
> 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
> A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
> ...


----------



## shaunak (Nov 1, 2006)

*Jokes in my mail*

I happend to read one of the thousand forwarded mails i get and i must say i did find some genuinly good jokes imm posting the here:




> "Never be afraid to try something new. Remember,
> amateurs built the ark.
> Professionals built the Titanic."







> Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035
> 
> 
> Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions inthe seventh largest
> ...






> A Charlotte, NC man having purchased a box of very rare, very expensive
> cigars, insured them against fire among other things.
> 
> Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without
> ...



__________________________________________________________________



> You Know you're "Living in 2006" when...
> 
> 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
> 
> ...



Also:
>you dont know how to play solitaire usinng real cards


----------



## number_of_man (Nov 1, 2006)

*Re: Jokes in my mail*

Wot me Reply??


----------



## hemant_mathur (Nov 1, 2006)

*Re: Jokes in my mail*

Nice thought .. i think i'll play with real cards for once ... just lemme mail my room mate about it.


----------



## navjotjsingh (Nov 3, 2006)

*Re: Main kal bazaar ja raha tha*

Nice reply mediator...BTW WHYIWASBANNEDFORNOREASON are you really 70 years old...your profile shows that?


----------



## shaunak (Nov 4, 2006)

*Re: Jokes in my mail*



> Nice thought .. i think i'll play with real cards for once ... just lemme mail my room mate about it.


 Good one  


Here's a few more:

```
1. Regular naps prevent old age… especially if you take them while driving.
2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without… but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
8. You can't buy love . . but you pay heavily for it.
9. True friends stab you in the front.
10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
```

Here's a nasty one i got today:

```
There was a couple married for quite some time
 and they had a boy of 5-6 years old.
Their relationship was turning sour.
So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was 
better for them to be divorced than carry on such a relationship. 
So they consulted a lawyer.
 But the big question was who would have the kid. 
In the hearing in the court. 

It was decided that this choice should be left on the kid. 
So the judge asked "Son, would you like to
stay with your mummy?" 
Kid said,"No, mummy beats me" :(

So the judge asked
"Then, would you like to stay with your papa then ?" 
Kid said, "No, papa beats me" :(
Now the judge was in a dilemma and was
not able to decide what to do… 
after pondering for some time he smiled ……

And he gave the judgment that……
The kid would stay with the [B][U]Indian Cricket Team[/U][/B] because
[SIZE="4"]THEY NEVER BEAT ANY BODY!![/SIZE]
Hoo ha india..... haara india....
```

And a good one:

```
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the 
world.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to china. 

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he 
noticed a
golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per 
call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what 
the
telephone was used for. 

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for 
$10,000 you
could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in japan. There, at a very large 
cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under 
it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china and 
he asked
a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 
he could
talk to God. 

"O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to pakistan, srilanka, russia, Germany and France.

In every church he saw the same golden telephone
with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it. 
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to 
see if
Indians had the same phone.

He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there 
was the
same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee 
per
call." 

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 
"Father, I've
traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone in 
many
churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US 
the price
was $10,000 per call. 

Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a 
local call".
```


----------



## Tech Geek (Nov 4, 2006)

*Re: Jokes in my mail*

     

where do u get this from


----------



## ~Phenom~ (Nov 4, 2006)

*Re: Jokes in my mail*

great jokes yaar. about those 17 lines , everything was true.


----------



## __Virus__ (Nov 5, 2006)

*Re: Jokes in my mail*

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.. hahahahahahahahahahaa


----------



## dIgItaL_BrAt (Nov 5, 2006)

*Re: Jokes in my mail*

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it
crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

ha LOL


----------



## max_demon (Nov 11, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

*members.rediff.com/chiruroy/jokes.htm


----------



## piyush gupta (Nov 11, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

so long long jokes

isnt it a joke


----------



## subratabera (Nov 13, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

Statutory Warning: Can be injurious to non-programmers 



> A compilation of *Hello World programs* designed by
> various categories of  *developer* follows.
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## max_demon (Nov 13, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*



			
				subratabera said:
			
		

> Statutory Warning: Can be injurious to non-programmers


This is Whole COPY PASTE


----------



## sariq (Nov 13, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*



			
				max_demon said:
			
		

> This is Whole COPY PASTE


LOL
what you think rest are self made


----------



## subratabera (Nov 13, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*



			
				sariq said:
			
		

> LOL
> what you think rest are self made



LOL


----------



## max_demon (Nov 13, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*



			
				subratabera said:
			
		

> LOL


Lolz
not at all.


----------



## GNUrag (Nov 13, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

<Splinton> So I'm on my honeymoon with my wife right...and after we're done fuc|<ing, I get up to go to the bathroom, and without thinking I left a $50 on the bed.
<Aron> Oh sh!t..
<Splinton> Yeah...
<Aron> She'll get over it right though? She can't possibly expect you've never been with a woman up til now?
<Splinton> Yeah that's not what I'm worried about...she gave me $20 change!

*bash.org/?681428


----------



## max_demon (Nov 13, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*



			
				GNUrag said:
			
		

> <Splinton> So I'm on my honeymoon with my wife right...and after we're done ****ing, I get up to go to the bathroom, and without thinking I left a $50 on the bed.
> <Aron> Oh ****..
> <Splinton> Yeah...
> <Aron> She'll get over it right though? She can't possibly expect you've never been with a woman up til now?
> ...


      Is this in forumn rules we can Post these things really!!!
__________
Brain transplant 

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.


----------



## GNUrag (Nov 13, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*



			
				max_demon said:
			
		

> Is this in forumn rules we can Post these things really!!!


There's a thin line which divides obscenity and light-joke.
other mods may lock this up if they find it objectionable.


----------



## max_demon (Nov 13, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

Brain transplant 

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.  


Meaning of words 

He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.  


Don't let you mind wander 

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own.  


The brain 

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.  


I am not interested 

Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not. I hate everybody, and you're next.  


Nobody's fool 

I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.  


My opinion 

I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?  


Never used it... 

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.  


Everything you are not... 

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not.  


Have I seen you someplace? 

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Silver spoon 

He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and every time he goes to a restaurant, he tries to complete the set. 


The sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head 

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But, the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head. 


You are so sexy 

Hey friend, remember that without stupidity there can be no wisdom and without ugliness there can be no beauty...so the world needs you after all!  


Simple things in life 

Raj: My sister’s boyfriend loves the simple things in life -that’s why he chose her! You are so beautiful, sweet and faithful... It’s a pity I do not like animals! 

 "*xtraedition.indiatimes.com/articlelist/1599564.cms"
__________
ha ha ha


----------



## shaunak (Nov 13, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

Some jokes:



> What do constipated mathematicians do? Work it out with a pencil.
> What do really constipated mathematicians do? Work it out with logs.







> Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
> Answer: Princess Diana's death.
> Question: How come?
> Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel,
> ...





> Itemized billing!
> 
> There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
> Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
> ...





_____________________________
Some tech jokes:



> Computer lingo meaning for a farmer!
> 
> LOG ON: Making the wood stove hotter
> LOG OFF: Don`t add wood
> ...





> Laloo Prasad & Bill Gates
> 
> The following is the conversation between Lallo Prasad Yadav and Bill Gates.
> Gates : Hi! you must have heard of Windows.
> ...





> Tech Support!!
> 
> Why we should feel sorry for tech support people:
> A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."
> ...


 _____________________________________________
And some Pj's from my mail



> Pilot`s eyesight!
> 
> An airline pilot with poor eyesight managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand.
> One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that he`d been suckered all these years. Then the doctor could not contain his curiosity. "How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the plane out to the runway?"
> ...


Club donation!

The president of the service club asked his new member, "Would you like to donate something to the home for the aged?" 
The new member replied, "Yes, my mother-in-law."



> Smart Chauffeur
> 
> A successful scientist was on his way to a seminar where he was supposed to give a lecture on his new breakthrough in research. His chauffeur saw his tired look and felt sorry for him.
> 
> ...





> A Letter to God
> 
> The post office received a letter addressed "To God." Not knowing where to deliver it, they forwarded it to one of the nearby churches.
> 
> ...





> Conveyance in heaven
> 
> Three guys die and go to heaven.
> The first guy goes up to St. Peter, who says, "In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?"
> ...





> Six Nights
> 
> A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support.
> 
> ...





> Perfect Woman!
> 
> Sunny is almost 35 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Sunny just dates and dates.
> 
> ...





> Dog Bite
> 
> A man is out walking his dog one day when it slips the leash and runs away.
> 
> ...





> Killed the pig !
> 
> Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened. About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
> "What happened to you?", asked Bill.
> ...





> Bill Clinton died?
> 
> When he reached the pearly gates and knocked, St. Peter asked "Who is it?"
> Clinton said, "It`s me, Bill Clinton."
> ...





> Super Computer
> 
> The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.
> 
> ...


----------



## n2casey (Nov 14, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

What's happening there? Many members are below 18 yrs even some r student of class 9-10. If members want to talk on adult contents/jokes then it shud b stopped/locked by modes, otherwise there shud b jokes without adult talks. It seems that modes r sleeping. It's very painful that I have joined the forum where rules can b broken easily.


----------



## max_demon (Nov 14, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*




			
				shaunak said:
			
		

> Some jokes:
> 
> What do constipated mathematicians do? Work it out with a pencil.
> What do really constipated mathematicians do? Work it out with logs.
> ...


nice joke but sooooooooooooo long
__________


			
				GNUrag said:
			
		

> <Splinton> So I'm on my honeymoon with my wife right...and after we're done fuc|<ing, I get up to go to the bathroom, and without thinking I left a $50 on the bed.
> 
> <Aron> Oh sh!t..
> 
> ...





			
				n2casey said:
			
		

> What's happening there? Many members are below 18 yrs even some r student of class 9-10. If members want to talk on adult contents/jokes then it shud b stopped/locked by modes, otherwise there shud b jokes without adult talks. It seems that modes r sleeping. It's very painful that I have joined the forum where rules can b broken easily.






But If Mods are only ......
then what we can except about the other members

and afterall this thread was created by a 14 year student.......


----------



## max_demon (Nov 16, 2006)

*Re: Jokes*

TO BE A MILLIONAIRE




A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.
The  HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as
a test. "You are employed." 

He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the
application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."


The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email." 
I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that
means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only 
$10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a
10Kg tomato crate.


He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two
hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation 
three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can
survive by this
Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his
money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a 
truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US
. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life
insurance. 

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the
conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man
replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You 
don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can
you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at 
Microsoft!"


Moral of the story:

M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an 
office boy,
     than a millionaire..........


Have a great day!!!


Pls Note: - Do not forward this email to me back, I'm closing all my
email addresses & going to sell tomatoes!!!

Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!!!


----------



## go4saket (Nov 23, 2006)

*!!! SMS Collection !!!*

Hi Friends!

I am adding in some cool SMS from my collection. Hope you like the and add in from you own collection...

*NAUGHTY COLLECTION...*

***He came at night,explored my body,got on top of me,touched me,he bit,sucked, swalowd,when he was satisfyed,he left,i was hurt,BLOODY...MOSQUITO !!!!

***CONGRATS.Your phone has been installed with a new puzzle game. To play,throw your phone against the wall.Then assemble the pieces....

***Always start your day with a lot of... S E X S - SMILE E - ENERGY X - XCITEMENT so make S E X a daily habit, and you"ll always B SUCSEXFUL! in LIFE. "

***Come here,take off urs pants and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving urs.....toilet!

***Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u lastnite,my lovely pyjamas...

***A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home...

***I really deeply wish tat u r here with me in my room.on my bed&lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my watch glow in the dark.

***1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10...Very good! Intelligent Ho! Kal A-B-C-D sikhenge...

***oT TnAW T2UL I +THpinboop YA2 !..2mA3rb T33w2 ! .. niH)A2 2'rU
Confused na? Read it in a mirror..

***What is the height of Flirting? When your love letter starts with "To whomsoever it may concern..."


*FUNNY COLLECTION...*

***When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only i suffer!!!

***One day Santa's Girlfriend asks him, Darling, on our Engagement will you give me a RING?Santa:Ya sure, Give me ur Telephone No.

***"When I was born Devil said...Oh ****!!! Another GOD!!!..& When u were born devil said ...Oh ****!!!!Competition...!!! ....

***Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE- C-Come,O-On,L-Lets, L-Love, E-Each,G-Girl,E-Equally......Thats why boys go to college regularly....

***Who said english is easy???Fill in the blank with YES or No... 1.-----I don"t have brain... 2.-----I dont have sence... 3.-----I am stupid....

***If ur world is spining Round & Round..& Round....Ur heart is beating fast ,do u think its LOVE? na Munna na its called high B/P...

***Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!

***Its been a rough day.I got up this morning,put on a shirt N a button fell off.I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off.I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom...

***i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again

***God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested...

***terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers... and demanded aransom of 500000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene... plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.

***Dear user,your wife can become mother without your struggle!Just SMS 'CHILD' or call customer care at 9890****** & be a tension-free DAD!

***A couple wanted katna(Circumcision)of their son,but they dont know proper word to print,so they printed the wording :THE CUTTING CEREMONY OF FU*KI*G INSTRUMENTS...

***Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?.... It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins !

***Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime! WIFE satys No, it means - With Idiot for Ever.

***MAMU :Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?

***Marriage:It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.

***Love affairs:Something like cricket,where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

***Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue.? Santa: Very long!

Chao...


----------



## Tech Geek (Nov 23, 2006)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

hehehehe
 
 
 
heard some of them already


----------



## k_blues24 (Nov 23, 2006)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*


----------



## outlaw (Nov 23, 2006)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

lol 

"***What is the height of Flirting? When your love letter starts with "To whomsoever it may concern..." "

good one


----------



## clmlbx (Nov 23, 2006)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

Gooddddd

:d :d :d :d :d :d


----------



## optumsprime (Nov 23, 2006)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

more


----------



## digit_technology2001 (Dec 29, 2006)

*Latest Funny SMS!!!*

Hey Guys!!!
Can anyone tell me any website where i can find latest funniest sms jokes, funny shayari. bilkul nayi...... plz help me to find. and rply me.. waiting of ur rply.


----------



## shakshy (Dec 29, 2006)

*Re: Latest Funny SMS!!!*

try atrochatro


----------



## nithinks (Dec 29, 2006)

*Re: Latest Funny SMS!!!*

www.santabanta.com

www.aasma.com

you can get ASCII SMSs also.. in aasma.


----------



## go4saket (Jan 8, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

Last nite i wantd u. needed u so badly dat it hurt. wantd 2 taste u. i wantd u in me so u could work ur magic on me...but i couldnt find u. u stupid..PARACETAMOL!
__________
What is hairy on the outside 
and moist inside, begins with 
a 'C' ends with a 'T' and 
has U' and 'N' in the middle? 

. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 
. 

A 'COCUNUT
__________
In which place men & women 
both have CURLY HAIR..? 


Oh god!!! 




ur thinking is so vulgur.... 



its in AFRICA....


----------



## ::cyborg:: (Jan 8, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

hi hi


----------



## ~Phenom~ (Jan 8, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

ROFL, too good.


----------



## kuni5_hem (Jan 8, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

all r gud...gud work dude..


----------



## panacea_amc (Jan 8, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

gud gud very gud!!!!!

Mr. Moderator....please make this thread Sticky!!! 

my personal favourite :
*******"Gabbar singh jab paida huwa tha, tab uski Maa ne use ek Thappar mara tha....kyun???......kyunki usne apni Maa se pucha tha "Kitne aadmi the re?"""


----------



## Pathik (Jan 8, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

lol .. Good ones.. But i think this shd b moved to the chitchat zone


----------



## Pathik (Jan 8, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

lol .. Good ones.. But i think this shd b moved to the chitchat zone


----------



## Tech.Masti (Jan 9, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

he he   cooooooool !!!!!


----------



## speedyguy (Jan 9, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

nice ones.....

Why was heisenberg unsuccesful in bed?
Becoz he didnt knew position when he had momentum and when he knew position he didnt had momentum.

Enjoy~!


----------



## phreak0ut (Jan 11, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

Its getting a bit 'dirty' here  I've heard all of it.


----------



## aryayush (Jan 11, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

A bit! A BIT!!! 

They've done everything apart from posting pictures and videos. I am truly surprised this thread is still running. I have been ignoring it for a long time thinking the mods will take care of it but they seem to be oblivious to this thread. It should be locked and deleted.


----------



## 47shailesh (Jan 11, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

1.Gham me hasne walo ko kabhi rulaya nahi jata,
lehro se pani ko hataya nahi jata,
hone wale ho jate hain khudhi dil se apne,
kisi ko kehkar apna banaya nahi jata
2.Socha tha na karenge kisi se dosti,
na karenge kisi se vaada,
par kya kare dost mila itna pyara ki karna pada dosti
ka vaada
3.Samja do apni yado ko,
wo bin bulaye pas aaya karti hai,
aap to dur rehkar satate ho magar,
wo pas aakar rulaya karti hai
4.Waqt guzarta raha par sanse thami si thi,
muskura rahe the hum,
par ankho me nami si thi,
saath hamare ye jahan tha sara,
par na jaane kyu tumhari kami si thi
5.Kyu dil ke mere tukde kar diye,
kyu mere aansu ko apni muskan se baha diye,
gunah kya tha mera bus chahna tumhe,
kyu meri zindagi me tune dard bhardiye
6.Phool se pehle khusboo ko to dekho,
karne se pehle kaam ko to dekho,
kisike roop mein diwana naa bano,
surat se pehle uske dil ko to dekho
7.Movie titles related to engg students:
exams - socha na tha,
classes - kabhi kabhi,
question papers - na tum jano na hum,
copying - yaarana,
maths2 - asambhav,
maths1 - mission impossible,
environmental sciences - pyar mein kabhi kabhi,
1st semester - kuch to hai,
2nd semester - yeh kya ho raha hai,
distinction - kal ho na ho,
1st class - raju bangaya gentleman,
2nd class - dil mange more
fail - phir milenge
7.Hum wo ishq hain jo dil bankar dhadakte hai,
hum wo khushbo hain jo baho mein mahakte hain,
humse pyar na karna e-zalim hum vo dard hain jo ankho
se chalakte hain
8.School- a place where papa pays & son plays
life insurance- a contract tht keeps you poor all ur
life so tht you can die rich
nurse- a person wakes up to give you sleeping pills
marriage- a contract in which a boy loses his
bachelors degree & girl gets her masters degree



9.Apne pyar ko chupana chaha par chupa na sake,
diwane dil pe kabu hum pa na sake,
aaj itne karib se gujar gaye wo,
phir bhi unka hath hum tham na sake
10.Ikrar may shabdo ki ahmiyat nai hoti,
dil ke jazbat ki awaz nai hoti,
ankhen bayan kar deti hai dil ki dastan,
mohabbat lafzo ki mohtaz nai hoti
11.Gam ki aahat na aaye tere dar par,
pyar ke samander ka tum bhi ek kinara ho,
bhool se jo tapke teri aankhon say moti,
thame wohi jo tumhe sabse pyara ho
12.Mohabbat me sath to harpal hota he,
koi dikhne se hota he to koi dilse hota hai,
maza to sath tab aye yaro,
jab judai ka lamha mahsus hota hai
13.Be slow in choosing a friend & slower while loosing
them bcoz friendship is not an opportunity its a
sweet rsponsibility
14.If love is sweet why does it hurt,
if love is deep why does it burn,
if love is warm why do we shiver,
if love is tender why do we cry,
if love is forever why do we die
15.God picked up a flower & dipped in honey he touched
it with love n turned into u,
he then gifted it to me & said this friend is for u
16.Na chaho kisi ko itna ki chahat aapki majburi ban
jaye,
chaho kisi ko itna aapka pyaar uske liye jaruri ban
jaye
17.Gham ne hasne na diya,
zamane ne rone na diya,
is uljhano ne jine na diya,
thak ke jab sitaron se panah li,
neend aayi tho aapki yaad ne sone na diya
18.Har ek se achi baat karna FITRAT hai hamari,
har ek khush rahe ye HASRAT hai hamari,
koi hum ko yaad kare ya na kare,
har ek ko yaad karna aadat hai hamari
19.Yaadon mein hum rahein ye ehsaas rakhna,
nazron se door sahi dil ke paas rakhna,
ye nahi kehte ke sath raho dur sahi par yaad rakhna
20.Fasle mita kar aapas me pyar rakhna,
dosti ka ye rishta hamesha yunhi barkarar rakhna,
bichad jaye kabhi aap se hum,
aankhon me hamesha hamara intejar rakhna



21.Hamne zindagi ki shurarat S se ki,
s se suraj, s se subah, s se swagat, s se saaz, s se
sangeet par phir s se samay ne aisi karwat badli ke
s se hamari shaadi ho gai, aur fir jeewan ka arth
saas, sasur, saala, saali, sasural or sankat ho gaya
to hamne s se sharab pi ne lage, so beaware of s
22.Zindagi mein hamesha SMART log milenge,
kahi zyada to kahi kum milenge,
choice zara sochke karna,
zaroori nahi har jagah tumhe hum jaise milenge
23.Sms karenge hum ek duje ko bari bari,
hame lagti hai ye rasam badi pyari,
ye sms milte hi ek sms bhej dena,
kyunki hame bilkul pasand nahi udhari
24.Kisi na kisi pe kisi ko aetbar ho jata hai,
ajnabi koi shaks yaar ho jata hai,
khubiyo se nahi hoti mohabbat bhi sadaa,
khamiyo se bhi aksar pyaar ho jata hai
25.Khuda se thoda rahem kharid lete,
aap ke zakhmo ka marhar kharid lete,
agar kahin kabhi bikti khushiyan meri,
to saari bechkar aapka har gam kharid lete
26.Sabse loving kaun: TUM,
sabse sweet kaun: TUM,
sabse cute kaun: TUM,
in sab me TUM se zyada kaun: HUM
lekin duniya me sabse acche dost kaun: HUM TUM
27.Nighahe nighago se milakar to dekho,
naye logo se rishta banakar to dekho,
hasrate dil me dabane se kya faida,
apne hoton ko hilakar to dekho,
asmaan simat jayega tumhare agosh me,
chahat ki bahen failakar to dekho
28.Frindship opens many doors each with a different
view but none could be more beautiful view
than the door that leads to u
29.Tum kya jano kya hai tanhai is tute hue patte se
pucho kya hai judai,
yu bewafa ka ilzam na de zalim,
is waqt se puch kis waqt teri yaad na aayi
30.Bathmeez
Chaddar ki KAMEEZ,
Lohe ka PAIJAMA,
Bandar tera MAMA,
Billi teri MAUSI,
Kutte mera YAAR,
Aam ka AACHAR
Miss u mere YAAR



31.Aap ka ashiyana dil mein basaya hai,
apki yado ko sine se lagaya hai,
pata nahi yaad apki hi kyo aati hai,
dost to hamne auro ko bhi banaya hai
32.Make a heart which never breaks,
make a smile which never hurts,
make a touch which never pains,
make a friendship which never ends
33.Dosti gazal hai gane ke liye,
dosti nagma hai sunane ke liye,
ye wo jazba hai jo sabko nahi milta,
kyonki aap jaisa chahiye nibhane ke liye
34.Zindagi hai nadan isiliye chup hoon,
dard hi dard subah shaam isiliye chup hoon,
keh du zamane se dastan apni,
usme aayega tera naam isiliye chup hoon
35.Hoth keh nahi sakte jo fasana dil ka,
shayad nazron se vo baat ho jaye,
is ummid se karte hain intezar raat ka,
ke shayad sapne me mulakat ho jaye
36.Sehmi si nigaho mein khwab hum jaga denge,
sooni in raho pe phool hum khila denge,
humare sang muskura ke to dekhiye,
hum aapke har gum bhula denge
37.Kaise kehde ki unse milne ki chahat nahi,
bekarar dil ko ab bhi rahat nahi,
bhula dete unhe bhi magar kya kare dost,
kisi ko bhulane ki is dil ko aadat nahi
38.Mana aaj unhe hamara koi khayal nahi,
jawab dene ko hum razi he par koi sawal nahi,
pucho unke dil se kya hum unke yaar nahi,
kya hamse milne ko wo bekarar nahi
39.Bolti hai dosti chup rehta hai pyar,
hasati hai dosti rulaata hai pyar,
milati hai dosti judaa karta hai pyar,
phir bhi kyun dosti chodkar log karte hai pyar
40.Aap to manzil ko mushkil samajte he hum aap ko
manzil samajte he,
bada fark he apke or hamare nazariye me
aap hume sapna or hum aap ko apna samajte hai
41.Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti dinbhar tumhare
hathon me rehti
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din
nayi nayi to milti
42.Leke hum dusro ki hasi kya kare,
jo apni nahi wo khushi kya kare,
tanha jine se behatar hai mar jaye hum,
jab saath tum nahi to zindagi jikar kya kare



43.Phool bankar muskurana zindagi hai,
muskurake gum bhulana zindagi hai,
milkar log khush hote hai to kya hua,
bina mile dosti nibhana bhi zindagi hai
44.Happy moments praise allah,
difficult moments seek allah,
quiet moments worship allah,
painful moments trust allah,
every moments thank allah
45.Ae khuda dua ye meri khali na jaye ke mere dost ki
palkon main kabhi aansu na aaye,
aansu nikle to khushi ke nikle gum ke aansu mere hisse
me aa jaye
46.Tumhari yaadon ki mehek in hawaon mein hai,
pyar hi pyar hi bikhra in fizao mein hai,
aisa na ho ki duriya dard ban jaye,
ab to aapke msg ka intezaar niaghon mein hai
47.Mohabbat ko mohabbat ka ishara yaad rehata hai,
har pyar ko apna pyar yaad rehta hai,
wo pal jo yaar ki baho me guzarta hai,
maut tak vo nazara yaad rehta hai
48.Panchi keh rahe hai ki hum chaman chod denge,
aur sitare keh rahe hai ki hum gagan chod denge,
agar tere ishq mein mai mar bhi jau ae sanam,
tum dilse pukar lena hum kafan chod denge
49.Aansu aa jate hain aankhon mein,
par labon pe hasi lani padti hai,
yeh mohabbat bhi kya cheez hai yaaro,
jisse karte ho usi se chupani padti hai
50.Kyun kisi ki khamoshi mujhe khamosh kar jaati hai,
kyun uski udaasi muje udaas kar jaati hai,
kya rishta hai uska mera jo mujhe uski yaad har pal aa
jaati hai
51.Jab koi khayal dilse takarata hai dil na chahkar
bhi khamosh reh jata hai,
koi sab kuch kehkar pyar jatata hai toh koi kuch na
kehkar bhi pyar nibhata hai
52.Reth pe likhna to adat hai hamari isiliye toh sagar
se dushmani hai hamari,
chahe wo lakh bar apka nam mitaye, apko bhulana taqdir
nahi hamari
53.Lamhe ye sunhere kal sath ho na ho,
kal me aaj jaisi baat ho na ho,
yaadon ke hasin lamhe dil me rehenge,
tamaam umar chahe mulaqat ho na ho
54.Mere alfazon ko juth mat samajna,
yaad aati hai bahut jaldi milne ki dua karna,
ji raha tha tumhare naam par mar jau toh bewafa mat
samajna



55.Lehar ati hai kinare se palat jati hai,
yad ati hai dil me simat jati hai,
faraq itna hai ki lehar bewaqt ati hai,
aur aap ki yaad har waqt ati hai
56.Rab se aapki khushi mangte hain,
duaon me aapki hansi mangte hain,
sochte hain kya mangen aapse chalo aapki umar bhar ki
dosti mangte hain
57.Nazre na hoti to nazara na hota,
duniya main hasino ka guzara na hota,
hamse yeh mat kaho ke dil lagana chhod de,
jaake khuda se kaho hasino ko banana chhod de
58.Best day aaj, best gift zindagi,
best eahsaas khushi,
best feeling pyar,
best relationship dosti,
best person hum,
best friend tum    hum tum
59.Wo laut aayega teri zindagi mein,
jiska intzaar tujhe aaj bhi hai,
maana waqt ne ki hai bewafai tujhse lekin meri duaon
me asar aaj bhi hai
60.Ruthne ka haq aap rakhte hai manane ki chahat hum
rakhte hai,
aapke hoton pe muskurahat yu hi bani rahe yehi dua rab
se hum roz karte hai
61.Kiss is not like nokia just connecting people,
not like nike just do it,
not like pepsi yeh dil mange more,
but kiss is like lays no one can eat just one
62.Kaash dil ki awaaz me itna asar ho jaye ki hum jise
yaad kare use khabar ho jaye
rab se yahi dua hai meri ki aap jise chahe woh aap ka
humsafar ho jaye
63.Heart is like a crystal preserve it,
love is like a perfume spread it,
feelings are like flood flow it,
friendship is like umbrella come lets share it
64.Kafi hai husn dil ko behlane ke liye,
mohabbat karlo dil ko dukhane ke liye,
chahe bhale pade gam se vasta,
ek hum jaisa dost rakhna sab gamo ko bhulane ke liye
65.Anjane me hum apna dil gawa baithe is pyar me kaisa
dhoka kar baithe
unse kya gila kare bhool hamari hi hai jo bina dil
walon se dil laga baithe
66.Har khushi dil ke karib nahi hoti,
zindagi gamo se dur nahi hoti,
ae dost is dosti ko sanjokar rakhna,
aisi dosti har kisi ko nasib nahi hoti
67.Hum mitti ka aashiyana banate gaye,
bana bana kar unhe mitate gaye,
hume koi na apna bana saka,
hum har kisi ko apna banate gaye
68.Days r too busy,
hours r too fast,
sec r too few,
but there's always time for me to remember a nice
friend like u
69.Kaun hai jo manzil se door nahin,
kaun hai jo zindagi se majboor nahin,
gunaah to sabhi karte hain,
humari nazar mein to khuda bhi bekasoor nahin
70.Kab unki palkon se izhaar hoga,
dil ke kisi kone mein hamare liye pyar hoga,
guzar rahi hai raat unki yaad mein,
kabhi to unko bhi hamara intezar hoga
71.Nazroo se jab nazar ka takrar hota hai,
har mod par kissi ka intezaar hota hai,
dil rota hai zakham haste hai,
isi ka naam to pyaar hota hai
72.Unhone dekha aur aansu gir pade,
bhari basant mein jaise phool bikhar pade,
dukh woh nahin ki unhone hume alvida kaha,
dukh to ye he ki uske bad wo khud ro pade
73.Mana ye waqt hame yaad karne wala nahi,
par bewaqt he yaad karliya karo,
mana aapke aspas sari duniya hai,
kabhi hamari kamika bhi ehsas karliya karo
74.Nashili aankho se wo jab hamein dekhte hain,
hum ghabraakar ankhen jhuka leite hain,
kaun milaye unn ankhon se ankhen,
suna hai wo ankho se apna bana leite hai
75.Chandni raat main jab sara jahan sota hai kisi ki
yaad main koi badnaseeb rota hai,
khuda kisi ko pyar pe fida na kare aur kare to juda
nakare
76.Har pal muskurana zindagi hai,
muskurakar gam bhulana zindagi hai,
jeet kar muskurana bhi kya muskurana hai,
haar kar muskurana zindagi hai
77.Hum nibhayenge dosti marte dum tak,
hum hasayenge tumko gham se khushi tak,
aye dost kabhi humse naraz na hona,
saath rehna hamare akhiri dum tak
78.A child uses its thumb 2 chew,
an illiterate uses his thumb 2 sign,
a winner uses his thumb 2 show victory,
but a monkey is using his thumb 2 read this sms



79.Jab se tumhe jana hai,
jab se tumhe paaya hai,
har dua mein tera naam aaya hai,
taaki poochhu rab se ki yeh kaisa namoona banaya hai
80.Ret pe naam kabhi likhte nahi,
ret pe naam kabhi tikte nahi,
log kehte hai ki hum patthar dil hain,
lekin pattharo pe likhe naam kabhi mit te nahin
81.How can u tell the rain not 2 fall when clouds
exists,
how can u tell the leaves not 2 fall when the wind
exists,
how can u tell me not 2 miss when u exists
82.Aankhon me rahne walo ko yaad nahi karte,
dil me rehne walo ki baat nahi karte,
hamari to ruh me bus gaye hain aap,
tabhi to hum milne ki fariyaad nahi karte
83.Every tear is a sign of brokenness,
every silence is sign of lonliness,
every smile is sign of kindness,
every sms is sign of remembrance
84.To walk is easy but 2 walk alone is tough,
being missed by someone is nice but missing someone is
painful,
being loved is secure but to love is insecure
85.Some people have nice eyes,
some people have nice smiles,
others have nice faces, but u have all of them with a
nice heart
86.Phool bankar muskurana zindagi hai,
muskurake gum bhulana zindagi hai,
milkar log khush hote hai to kya hua,
bina mile dosti nibhana bhi zindagi hai
87.Tujse dosti karne ka hisab na aya,
mere kisi bhi sawal ka jawab na aya,
hum to jagte rahe tere hi khayalo me,
aur tujhe so kar bhi hamara khawab na aya
88.These are some of the romantic countries in the
world,
holland: hope our love lasts & never dies,
italy: i trust & love u,
libya: love is beautiful & u also,
france: friendship remains & never comes to an end

89.Jakham aisa diya ki koi dawa kaam na aayi,
aag aise lagayi ki paani se bhi bhuj na payi,
aaj bhi rote hai unki yaad main,
jinhe hamari yaad hamare guzar jane par bhi na aayi



90.Bhool jane ka hounsla na hua,
door rah kar bhi wo juda na hua,
unse mil kar kisi aur se kya milte,
koi dusra unke jaisa na hua
91.Laughter is the jam on the toast of life,
it adds flavour keeps it from being too dry & makes it
easier to swallow lifes sorrows
92.Kaanch chube to nishan reh jaata hai,
dil tute to armaan reh jaata hai,
laga to deta hai waqt marham is dil par,
phir bhi umra bhar ek zakhm reh jata hai
93.Log phoolon se mohabbat karte hai,
kaaton ko kisne yaad kiya,
hum kaaton se mohabbat karte hai,
kyunki phool ne hume barbaad kiya
94.Hum agar aapse mil nahi pate aisa nahin ke hamein
aap yaad nahi aate,
mana jahan ke sab rishte nibhaye nahi jate,
par jo bas jate hai dil me phir bhulae nahi jate
95.Nazar nawaz najaro me ji nahi lagta,
fiza gai to baharo me ji nahi lagta,
na puchh mujse tere gum me kya gujarti hai,
yahi kahunga hazaron me ji nahi lagta
96.Never search ur happiness in others which will make
u feel alone,
but search it in urself u will feel happy even if u
are left alone
97.Kafi hai husn ko behlane ke liye,
mohabbat karlo dil ko dukhane ke liye,
chahe bhale pade gam se vasta,
ek hum jaisa dost rakhna sab gamo ko bhulane ke liye
98.Fiza par asar hawaon ka hota hai,
mohabbat par asar adaon ka hota hai,
koi aisa hi kisi ka diwana nahi hota,
kuch kasoor to nigahon ka hota hai
99.Pyar ke ujalo me gum ka andhera kyu aata hai,
jisko hum chahte hai wohi kyu rulata hai,
mere khuda agar wo mera naseeb nahi to aise logon se
kyu milata hai
100.Waqt guzrega hum bikhar jayenge,
kaun jane ke hum kidhar jayenge,
hum apki parchayi hain yaad rakhna,
jahan tanhai mili wahan hum nazar ayenge


----------



## speedyguy (Jan 11, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

wosh! quite big ones....i thought of writing some here but now....oh no! nowez! newez nice ones

Enjoy~!


----------



## soham (Jan 12, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

Some wise sayings:
A smile is a curve that can.Straighten out a lot of things.

Life is not measured by breaths we take in a moment but by moments that take our breaths away

life is short! if you dont look around once in a while you might miss it

Those who are afraid to fall, will never fly

Love ur enemys... It really ticks them off

If you don't Stand for Something.You will Fall for Everything

da poorest man on earth is not da 1 without money, but is da 1 without a dream

To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the
world

Look into the picture of ur present life, 4 the picture determines ur future

It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for what your not

Be yourself, there are enough other people

dont frown,you never know whos falling in love with ur smile

if u can stay calm while every1 else is goin mad ... u probably havnt completely understood the situation!

FRIENDS are like stars…you do not ALWAYS SEE them but you know they are always there!..

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes. A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever

Dont b afraid 2 expose yourself.Reach out and tell sum1 wot they mean 2 u coz when u decide its the right time it might b 2 late!

Sumtimes its harder 2 say no wen u really mean yes.Its hard 2 close ur eyes wen u really want 2 see.But the hardest thing 2 do is to let go wen u want to stay

Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think

What do you do when the only person who can stop you crying, is the person who makes you cry in the first place?

You might regret what you do- but you'll you regret what you don't do SO much more

2 let go doesnt mean 2 stop carin.2 let go is to learn theres sumthin beyond.2 let go means acceptin reality.2 let go is lovin more coz u only want the best.

If you are the flame you can't be burned

Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery.today is a gift that is why we call it the present!

Intelligence is like a river. The deeper it is the less noise it makes
__________
*Jokes :*

It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all 

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again

Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the one off.

An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand!

A woman was found dead in her home 2day! She was discoverd in her bath tub which was filled with milk & conflakes.the police suspect a cerial killer!

Police r lookin 4 a suspect whos smart sexy witty & very gorgeous- they've already eliminated u from the enquiry (where do you think i shood hide?)

I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION

Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u?

im at the police station.The police caught me & filed a case against me "possession of good looks".i'm doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!

4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN 1)dogs obey wen u shout at dem 2)dogs dont shop 3)u can giv away ur dogs children 4)any guy can get a good lookin dog!

Y WOMEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)no one really understands dem 2)all ur mistakes r stored in their memory 3)u find urself spendin all ur money on accessories for dem!


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## Crazy Kidd (Jan 12, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

By the way this isn't the place for this kind of topics. try Chit Chat. Where are the moderators. 
.
.
.
.
.
Damn, can't find one when needed.
__________
Life itself cant give you joy, unless you really want it. Life just gives you time and space. Its up to you. How you fill it. Have a nice day.


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## mehulved (Jan 12, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

I have edited/deleted some messages which will be inappropriate for some of the audience here. 
And please remember this is a technology forum. There are many other forums out there where you can share your adult jokes.


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## jatt (Jan 15, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

hi friends keep it up please give more sms here
thanks to alll friends


----------



## Third Eye (Jan 15, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

nice SMS Collection.post more.


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## Desmond (Jan 16, 2007)

*The Humour Thread*

You know that the net is filled with wild and really ridiculus stuff. Tell here about the most wacky stuff you find. Also you can post your own Jokes.

To start with, heres some stuff I found :

Desi Bryan Adams kaisa gayega Summer Of 69??

I had my first real six rupees,
stole it from my father's pants.
went to a madrasi hotel,
to eat the sambhar of 69.
Me and some kadke dost,

had it all and we caught bukhaar,
jimy puked, joey got ulcers,
and Bagga ne maari dakar.

Oh when I went back there now,
the food was as stale as ever,
and though it was 1999,
still the sambhar was being served over there,

that was the worst food of my life.

Therez no use in complaining,
when you got no other place to eat,
rushed in the evening to the doctors clinic, but he too was at the toilet seat, yeah

standing there waiting outside,
nurse told me I will wait forever,
oh and when I held my breath,
I knew that I had to use that loo there
That was the worst food of my life.

BACK 2 SUMMER OF 69


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## aryayush (Jan 16, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*



			
				tech_your_future said:
			
		

> I have edited/deleted some messages which will be inappropriate for some of the audience here.
> And please remember this is a technology forum. There are many other forums out there where you can share your adult jokes.


Thank you for doing what should have been done a long while ago. 

Just a suggestion: There are already a few threads on this forum meant for jokes and stuff. Can't they all be merged together - and maybe even stickied, so that new threads do not keep popping up every now and then?


----------



## x7r3m3 (Jan 16, 2007)

*Re: The Humour Thread*

so pathetic song


----------



## gauravakaasid (Jan 16, 2007)

*Re: The Humour Thread*

@x7r3m3..........dude looks like you need to get a life and some sense of humour too.....if you aint happy with whatevers posted, y dont you give it a shot? atleast dnt discourage others


----------



## s18000rpm (Jan 16, 2007)

*Re: The Humour Thread*

Sing it with the original song playing in the background.

man its so FUNNY


----------



## Arsenal_Gunners (Jan 16, 2007)

*Re: The Humour Thread*


----------



## iMav (Jan 16, 2007)

*Re: The Humour Thread*

its hilarious ....


----------



## blueshift (Jan 17, 2007)

*Re: The Humour Thread*

Another one.._from Orkut_

*HOTEL KERALA-FONIA* - _by The Yeagles_
On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair
Warm smell of avial

Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a bright pink tube-light
My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin
I had to stop for a bite
There he stood in the doorway
Flicked his mundu in style
And I was thinking to
myself
I don't like the look of his sinister smile
Then he lit up a petromax
Muttering "No power today"
More Mallus down the corridor
I thought I heard them say



Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace,
Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
It's
infested here
It's infested here



His finger's stuck up his nostril
He's got a big, thick mustache
He makes an ugly, ugly noise
But that's just his laugh
Buxom girls clad in pavada
Eating banana chips
Some roll their eyes, and
Some roll their hips
I said to the manager
My room's full of mice
He said,
Don't worry, saar,I sending you

meen karri, brandy and ice
And still those voices were crying from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them pray



Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace
Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
It is no surprise
It is no surprise (background)
That it swarms with flies



The blind man was pouring
Stale sambar on rice
And he said
We are all just actors here
In Silk Smitha-disguise
And in the dining chamber
We gathered for the feast
We stab it with our steely knives
But we just can't cut that beef
Last thing I remember
I was writhing on the floor
That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit,
I am sure
Relax, said the
watchman
This enema will make you well
And his friends laughed as they held me down
God's Own Country? Oh, Hell! __._,_.___


----------



## blackpearl (Jan 17, 2007)

*Re: The Humour Thread*

Here is a better Hotle California

HOTEL KARNALOFONIA 

On the dark GT highway 
Pagdi patka in my hair 
Warm smell of some dhabas 
Rising up in the air 

Up ahead in the distance 
I saw a ttharra joint 
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim 
I must have drunk over a pint 
There he stood in the drive way 
I heard his truck helper yell 
And I was thinking to myself 
This had to be Devinder Singh Behl 

Then he belched, and scratched his head 
And he was on the highway 
And the other drivers leaning from their truck car doors 
I thought I heard them say 

Welcome to the hotel Karnal-a-fonia 
Vaddi changi place (vaddi changi place) 
Vaddi changi place 
Massage, manicure, pedicure at Karnal-a-fonia 
Any kind of ear (any kind of ear) 
You can clean it here 

His car's grill was definitely twisted 
He's got a Maruti-Benz 
He's got a lot of petty petty MLAs 
Whom he calls friends 
Dancing bhangra in the courtyard 
See surdie sweat 
Some dancer is this Devinder 
Armpits stinking wet 
So I told the bell captain 
I's made a reservation online 
And he said, oye khoteyya our internet hasnt worked at all Since Y2K - 1999 

And still those drivers were calling from the drive way 
Woke me in the middle of the night 
I know I heard them say 

Welcome to the hotel Karnal-a-fonia 
Itthey karlo rest (itthey karlo rest) 
Itthey karlo r Aish karo at the hotel Karnal-a-fonia 
Kudi umr bais (kudi umr bais) 
Will serve you nice 

Daler on the ceiling 
And on the walls in every guise 
And waitresses dressed like actresses 
From flicks of Subhash Ghai's 
And in the downstairs canteen 
I sat down for my meal 
Butter chicken, and sarson da saag 
Had a shock when they showed me the bill 
Looking for help I saw Devinder 
Dancing wildly on the floor 
I had to find my hostess back 
Oh where is this Gurpreet Kaur? 

Relax said Milkha Singh 
Play golf with my son Jeev 
Tu ban gaya Punjab da puttar 
Now you cant ever leave 


So here I am, 
Wasting life at the Hotel Karnal-a-fonia
__________


My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me. And my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age. 

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. 

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. 

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my b! edroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me. I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight towards my car. 

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." 

The moral of this story is: 

Scroll down... 

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"Always keep your condoms in the car"
__________


Once there was this man, working in a lighthouse all one on a lonely island.The island was 100's of miles from the mainland, and completely deserted.One fine day, he sees a shipwreck on the horizon.Through his telescope, he sees that all the sailors die except one who manages to swim ashore.Feeling pity on this man, the man in the light house decides to help him out.So he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.On reaching the person, he realised that the man was on the edge of death...so as a last wish the sailor asks for one last wish to be granted.The man from the lighthouse agrees and asks him what does he want as his last wish.The sailor asks for a bowl of chicken soup.The man is kinda puzzled, but agrees.So he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.He prepares chicken soup up in his cabin in the lighthouse.Then he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.He gives him the chicken soup he prepared, and then after having the soup, the man dies.The person feels pity on him ,and buries him.After burying him, he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase. 

The next day, he sees another shipwreck on the horizon.Through his telescope, he sees that all the sailors die except one who manages to swim ashore.So he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where this sailor had landed.On reaching the person, he realised that this man was also at the edge of death...so as a last wish this sailor too asks for one last wish to be granted.The man from the lighthouse agrees and asks him what does he want as his last wish.The sailor asks for a bowl of prawn soup.The man is now really puzzled, but agrees.So he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.He prepares prawn soup up in his cabin in the lighthouse.Then he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.He gives him the prawn soup he prepared, and then after having the soup, the man dies.The person feels pity on him ,and buries him.After burying him, he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase. 

The next day, he sees another shipwreck on the horizon.Through his telescope, he again sees that all the sailors die except one who amazingly manages to swim ashore.So he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.On reaching the person, he realised that this man was also at the edge of death...so as a last wish this sailor too asks for one last wish to be granted.The man from the lighthouse agrees and asks him what does he want as his last wish.The sailor asks for a bowl of chicken soup.The man is now completely puzzled, but agrees with some hesitation.So he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.He prepares chicken soup up in his cabin in the lighthouse.Then he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.He give him the chicken soup he prepared, and then after having the soup, the man dies.The person feels pity on him ,and buries him.After burying him, he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase. 


What is the moral of the story??

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Moral: Chicken soup is more popular than prawn soup.


----------



## Desmond (Jan 17, 2007)

*Re: The Humour Thread*


Cool Jokes blackpearl!


----------



## hemant_mathur (Jan 17, 2007)

*Re: The Humour Thread*

Nice songs and cool stories.


----------



## mehulved (Jan 17, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*



			
				aryayush said:
			
		

> Just a suggestion: There are already a few threads on this forum meant for jokes and stuff. Can't they all be merged together - and maybe even stickied, so that new threads do not keep popping up every now and then?


 There were a couple of threads made for jokes, they were followed for a while but after sometime as they fell beyond the 2nd - 3rd page people again started making new threads. Only way to stop is make one sticky thread. But, making a sticky thread for jokes and such stuff doesn't make sense on a tech forum.


----------



## aryayush (Jan 17, 2007)

*Re: !!! SMS Collection !!!*

But it IS the 'Chit-Chat' thread. And having five 'Jokes' threads on a tech forum does not make much sense either!


----------



## shadow slayer 2007 (Jan 18, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**


A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.” 

 
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?” 
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....” 

 
Why do ducks have webbed feet? 
To stamp out fires. 
Why do elephants have flat feet? 
To stamp out burning ducks. 

 
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.” 

 
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. 

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" 

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." 

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "Okay, now what?"


----------



## Desmond (Jan 18, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

An American, Japanese and Indian general were once on a ship alongwith all of their soldiers. After sometime of drinking together, the American replied,"Lets see whose Army has got the guts". The others agree. The american calls one of his bravest men and orders him to jump into the ocean, swim two rounds around the ship and return. The soldier does the same and returns not exhausted at all. The other generals are wonderstruck. The american General replies,"See the guts!".

The Japanese general calls one of his bravest men and orders hime to jump into the ocean, swim 5 rounds around his ship and return. The soldier does the same and returns. The other two generals are wonderstruck. The Japanese General replies,"See the guts!".

The Indian General calls one of his bravest men and orders him to jump into the ocean, swim 10 rounds around the ship and return. The soldier shouts," AM I YOUR FATHERS SERVENT!!". The Indian general says,"See the guts!"


----------



## s18000rpm (Jan 18, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

^^
nice one


----------



## ~Phenom~ (Jan 18, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

^^really funny.


----------



## Pathik (Jan 18, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

lol


----------



## Josan (Jan 18, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Cool Collection well Done!!


----------



## shaunak (Jan 19, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

~-****(Scientific PJs)****-~
PJ= (pathetic joke)^∞

> Once some electrons were having a party when they were attacked by protons. A dashing superhero comes to their rescue. His name? Bond, COVALENT BOND. 

> Once Heisenberg [the author of the uncertainty relations which states that it is impossible to simultaneously determine the *velocity* and *position* of an electron.] Was stopped by a traffic cop in Berlin for who asked him "do you have any idea how fast you were going?". To this the physicist replied "No, but i know precisely where I am."

Warning
[If you have forgotten you math dont read this]

> Suppose you want to have a bath and there is nothing around you, what do you do? 

A: 
You integrate *∂*ℓuϰ wrt ℓuϰ
=∫(∂ℓuϰ)ℓuϰ
= ℓuϰ+ć
You bathe with the ℓuϰ in the "c"


----------



## s18000rpm (Jan 19, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

geeky jokes. nice


----------



## shaunak (Jan 19, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

*www.best-wallpapers.com/funny/imagepages/image9.htm


----------



## SolidSnake (Jan 19, 2007)

*Meri Marzi.... :=)*

*Mera source code padh kar hasnaa nahin,*
*Ise chalata dekh tum fasna nahin,*
*Main testing karta hun boss ki kasam,*
*Bina piye Whiskey , Beer ya Rum,*
*Bill Gates milaa mujhe raste mein,*
*Beche Windows humne saste main,*
*Usne kaha "Tujhe CEO banaoo",*
*Ghar tere aake Operator ban jaoon...*
*Bill Gates ko kaha mere ghar na aanaa,*
*Bill Joy ko bol diya naa baba naa,*
*Chahe Boston me dede mujhe BMW car,*
*Ya H-1 pe dede mujhe dollar dus hazaar,*
*Par development ke liye main to kachha hoon,*
*Dus saal se Porting me atkaa hoon,*

*(slow)*
*Mere daddoo, likhe software,*
*Binaa use kiye, koi Hardware,*
*Meri beti, banegi Aunty,*
*Jab tak install hoga NT*

*(fast)*
*Release ho raha hai mera Software nayaa,*
*Unix ko DOS pe hai port kiyaa,*
*Microsoft ne jab mera H-1 kiyaa,*
*Bug free Windows maine release kiya...*

  ​


----------



## s18000rpm (Jan 19, 2007)

*Re: Meri Marzi.... :=)*

funny, 
but you could have posted it @ this thread- *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*


----------



## NIGHTMARE (Jan 19, 2007)

*Re: Meri Marzi.... :=)*

lage raho


----------



## SolidSnake (Jan 19, 2007)

*Re: Meri Marzi.... :=)*



			
				s18000rpm said:
			
		

> funny,
> but you could have posted it @ this thread- *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*


 
Oops...koi baat nahin, there is always next time...


----------



## Desmond (Jan 24, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**


Cool Joke!!


----------



## blueshift (Jan 30, 2007)

*Wedding Pics*

Got this from email forward. 

*i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/1.jpg

*i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/2.jpg

*i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/3.jpg

*i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/4.jpg

*i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/5.jpg

*i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/6.jpg

*i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/7.jpg


----------



## 24online (Jan 30, 2007)

*Re: Wedding Pics*

funny.........but its not topic for chit chat.....
there should be separate section for jokes,pics...


----------



## koolbluez (Jan 30, 2007)

*Re: Wedding Pics*

Perfect couple.. accordin to "The Law of Opposites - Opposites attract"


----------



## jack// ani (Jan 30, 2007)

*Re: Wedding Pics*

very funny!!


----------



## s18000rpm (Jan 30, 2007)

*Re: Wedding Pics*



btw best place for jokes/funny pics-> * *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**


----------



## iMav (Jan 30, 2007)

*Re: Wedding Pics*

love is blind


----------



## Tech Geek (Jan 30, 2007)

*Re: Wedding Pics*

lol


----------



## desertwind (Jan 30, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Stumbled today.


*img151.imageshack.us/img151/6061/elephantsjpgvc2.gif


----------



## s18000rpm (Jan 30, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

 she's got the Largest Brain Size.- a size Peanut.

nice find


----------



## Pathik (Jan 30, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

lola


----------



## srikanthgss (Feb 2, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Sardaji Strikes Back....... 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji is buying a TV........
Sardarji : "Do you have color TVs? "
Salesman : "Sure. "
Sardarji : "Give me a green one, please. "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji calls Air India...........
Sardarji : "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar? "
Receptionist : "Just a second "
Sardarji : "Thank you."..........and hangs up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
EMPLOYMENT........
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly
filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the
column
'Salary Expected :'
He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he
wrote :
"Yes"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
CROCODILE BOOTS..........
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears.  Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims
"71st and *again* barefeet! "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk.......

Sardarji  : "What is that shiny object? "
Clerk : "That is a thermos flask "
Sardarji : " What does it do ? "
Clerk : " It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold. "
Sardarji : "I'll take it ! "
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss
sees him and asks......
Boss : "What is that shiny object with you? "
Sardarji : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do?"
Sardarji : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. "
Boss : "Wow! What do you have in it? "
Sardarji : "Two cups of coffee and a coke. "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like :

"Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper ?
(he already has one and he wants one more..) He takes a photcopy of the

white paper !!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab.........
Santa Singh raised a point " Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it? "
That was a difficult question indeed.
Suddenly Banta Singh replied, " No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed. "
Santa Singh : " OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ????? "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain........
Sardarji : "I would like to buy this small TV,"
Salesman : "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs "
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman........ Sardarji : "I would like to buy this TV."
Salesman : "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars"
"Damn, he recognized me " he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman.......
Sardarji : "I would like to buy this TV. "
Salesman : "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars, "
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar? "
Salesman : " Because that's a microwave, "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
" Toes Go In First. "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a sardar is walking on the road. He sees a piece of ****. He bends down........dips a finger and tastes it........."Yuk! ! It's ****!!! ".........then he moves on thinking "Good, I din't step on it"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
TO LOSE WEIGHT.. The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days,
he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem......... "What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardars Hari Singh and Gyani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana? "
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I? " asks Gani Singh.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon
sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai"
Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai
lekin
voh
to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes
along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon
bhai
ye sab kyon leke baithe ho? "
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave
the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the
station
arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the
sardarji
deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber
quietly
shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken
up,
and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly

screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter? "
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up
someone else"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started
thanking God.
A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you
thanking
God for ?"
The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't
riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing
too."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother:Sikh.........Father:Sikh.........Kid:Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh? "
"Aah" said Sardarji " I read in a newspaper, that every 4th person born
on
the Earth now is a Chinese."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The
ground control issues commands..........
Ground control : "Rubi!"
Rubi : "Woof!" (its the barking sound)
Ground control : "Press the red button."
Rubi : "Woof! Woof! "
Ground control : " Moti! "
Moti : "Woof! "
Ground control : "Press the white button."
Moti : " Woof! "
Ground control : " Sardarji! "
Sardarji : "Woof. "
Ground control : " Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch
anything!
"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower
when
someone asks him........
" You want to buy the clock on the Tower "
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several
hours
the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the
Sardarji
is again walking along the same street and the same man asks
him..........
"You want to buy the clock."
Sardarji says " Yes "
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time,
you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a
double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death.
Santa Singh : "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?
Banta Singh : "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him
what had happened to his ears and he answered........
Sardarji:"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking
up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
The doctor exclaimed in disbelief : " Oh Dear! ......But what happened to
your other ear?"
Sardarji : "The scoundrel called back."


----------



## nix (Feb 3, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

OMG, you gotta see this 

*uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Snakes_on_a_Plane


----------



## nileshgr (Feb 5, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**



			
				q3_abhi said:
			
		

> When Bill Gates was in India, he had a chance 2 listen Ramayana from Atal Behari Vajpayee. After returning 2 US he wrote it in his personal Diary. A Tabloid in US got a copy of his writings. These are excerpts from his diary.
> Â*
> Ramayana by Bill Gates...
> Â*
> ...



Super Joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have reputed you. Tell a mod, not to close this topic. this could be thread where jokes can be discussed.
       
lol lol


----------



## joey_182 (Feb 5, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

*LETTER BY A SARDARJI's MOM to HIM (SardarJi)* 
Vahe Guru. I am in a well here and hoping you in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so moved 20 miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the Address Plate with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier Address Plate here, so that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, 
situated right above the commode. I am not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass a the cemetery. By the way I took bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allow in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove? Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfil his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. 
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. 
P.S : Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter. 
Faqat, Teri Maan


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## Chrono Cr@cker (Feb 6, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Nice sardar jokes both you guys. Haha!


----------



## koolbluez (Feb 6, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

A mail i got on Filmy Dialogues for the Geek:
*img209.imageshack.us/img209/2550/downloadtx2.jpg *img183.imageshack.us/img183/2365/download001uv7.jpg *img247.imageshack.us/img247/9590/download002ed2.jpg *img247.imageshack.us/img247/1024/download003gs3.jpg *img209.imageshack.us/img209/8201/download004zz5.jpg *img247.imageshack.us/img247/7029/download005ku6.jpg
__________
What do children tell 2 God...
*img247.imageshack.us/img247/1663/downloadyn5.jpg


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## 24online (Feb 9, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

scrap karne ka... kya !!!!


```
Munna Bhai :
Bapu.....Bole To Apun Ko Aaj Kal Ek Problem ho Gaaela Hai ???

Bapu :
Bolo Munna . Dil Khol Ke Bolo .

Munna Bhai :
Apun Ko Aaj Kal ..... Bole To Koi Scrap Nahi Karta.
Sala Sab Log Eede Ho Gaaele Hein...!!!

Bapu :
Aise Nahin Bolte Munna. Mere Paas Iis Ka Haall Hai. Rasta Muskil Hai 
Lekni Jeet Pakki Hai.

Munna Bhai :
Bolo Bapu Bolo, Agar Tumko Confidence Hai To apun Ye Kaam Karega.

Bapu :
To Suno. Tum Scrap Karte Raho. Tab Tak Karte Raho... Jab Tak Tumhe Koi 
Scrap Nahin Karta. Kabhie To Unka Hirdaya Paribartan Hoga. Woh Bhi 
Tumhe Scrap Karenge........

Munna Bhai :
Thank U Bapu Thank U.. Apun Yeich Karega...

Bole To Mamu Get Well Soon Hone Ka Aur mujhe Ko Scrap Karne Ka
```
__________

```
MUNNA BHAI JOKES

 

PROFESSOR :
Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jante ho?
MUNNA BHAI :
Gandhi bahut zabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin maloom ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

____________ _________ _________

CIRCUIT :
Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Aye Circuit, woh Sabrina ka baap aya hai tere ko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai usko bolo apun gaoon gayea hai, kheti karne ko.
MUNNA BHAI :
Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

____________ _________ _________

MAMU :
Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :
Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?

____________ _________ _________ _

CIRCUIT :
Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla hai aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI :
Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT :
Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.

____________ _________ _________ __

MAMU :
Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Sindhi sikhna padega. Kuch hal batao.
MUNNA BHAI :
Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU :
Meinay ek Sindhi baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.
____________ _________ _________ _


PROFESSOR :
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI :
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

____________ _________ _________

MUNNA BHAI :
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

____________ _________ _________ __


Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN :
What is that?
CIRCUIT :
Air India

____________ _________ _________ __


CIRCUIT :
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU :
Nehin.
CIRCUIT :
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
____________ _________ _______
MUNNA BHAI :
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU :
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI :
Yaad nahin hai yaar. Bahut purani baat hai.
____________ _________ _______
MUNNA BHAI :
Mamu, tu kitna padha hai?
MAMU :
B.A.
MUNNA BHAI :
Sala, two lafz padha aur woh bhi ulta?
____________ _________ _________
MAMU :
Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.
MAMU KA DOST :
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
____________ _________ _________ __
CIRCUIT :
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT :
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
____________ _________ _________ __
PRINCIPAL :
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI :
Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu
```


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## santu_29 (Feb 14, 2007)

*tech support at a call center...*

tech support at a call center
Call to technical support:

Caller:                 Hi, my printer is not working. 
Customer Service: What is wrong with it? 
Caller:                 Mouse is jammed. 
Customer Service: Mouse? And how it is related to printer? 
Caller:                 Mmmm.. Wait, I will send a picture. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

*img68.imageshack.us/img68/7766/image001hp2.jpg


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## gxsaurav (Feb 14, 2007)

*Re: tech support at a call center...*

lolz   :rofl


----------



## trigger (Feb 14, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

A man and his wife were eating dinner in an expensive restaurant when young beautiful women approached and kissed him on the mouth, 
She said to him "see you later" and came out.
The wife shouted:
- Who was she?
- She is my mistress.
- What? ... I want a divorce!
- Ok. I agree. But you must know that you wouldn' have a mercedes in your garage, you wouldn't spend your holidays in hot countries and you wouldn't go shopping in paris.

At the same time their friend karol came in to the restaurant with a young woman.
- Who is that woman with karol ? - Asked wife
- She is his mistress.
- Really? ... Ours is more interesting - said the wife.


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## piyush gupta (Feb 14, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

nice jokes
__________
nice jokes


----------



## santu_29 (Feb 16, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Ordering a Pizza IN 2020





Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Galaxy . May I have your..."

Customer: "Hello, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold........ ..on..... .889861356102049 998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 43rd Floor, Akask View Apt, Cantt Road, ........
Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is
0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes"
from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how
much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The
total is Rs2249.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card
is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs10,720.55 since October last year.
That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
come and collect it on your scooter.. ."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system, you own a Lambretta 1969 Vintage
Scooter,...registra tion number USE 8999..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're
also diabetic.... ... "

Customer: uh..err..err. .eh#$$^%&$@$%^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 11th Nov 1986 you were convicted for using abusive language on a policeman who stopped you for driving through a one way, in fact you were driving a 1973 Ambassador bearing registration number UTD 4267.......

Customer: [Faints]


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## Third Eye (Feb 18, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

[size=+1]Another Joke on Windows [/size]



There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.

Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"


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## s18000rpm (Feb 18, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

^^nice one


----------



## ilugd (Feb 19, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

liked that mouse picture. Now i have one more troubleshooting step to check if the office printer malfunctions


----------



## trigger (Feb 23, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of
the street. A tall lady answered the door.Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s**t!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f**king difference?"
"That's exactly what I said!"
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
* Reunion of Four Friends*

 Four freinds decided meet after a very long time.After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room.

The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes. The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.

The second guy says: Damn, that's terrific!! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a traveling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.

The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion specially for his friend.

The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of theirs sons. The forth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned and asked: What's going on, what are all the congratulations for? One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. And then he asked, What about your son?

The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub.

The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel. The forth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends. 


Moral: Be careful to whom you brag !


----------



## piyush gupta (Feb 23, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

> >Why did Newton commit suicide???
> >
> >Here is the reason.
> >
> >Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil 
> >movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced 
> >that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk
and
> >apologized for everything he had done.
> >
> >In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to
> >such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few 
> >scenes
> >
> >1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to 
> >the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent.
> >In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in 
> >the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes
> >through his ears taking away the tumor along with it 
> >and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!
> >
> >2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 
> >gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately
> >only one bullet and a knife. 
> >Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at
> >the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife 

>cuts
> >the
> >bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of 
the
> >middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
> >
> >3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth 
> >has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he 
> >does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations.He
> >waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the
> >gangster shoots,Rajanikanth opens the bullet 
> >compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. 
> >Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.Bang... the
> >gangster dies...
> >
> >This was too much for our Newton to take! He was 
> >completely shaken and decided to go back. But he 
> >happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at
>least
> >one movie would follow his
> >theory of physics. 
> >
> >The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all 
> >in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!
> >
> >The 'climax' f! inally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the 
villain
> >is on theother side of a very high wall. 
> > 
> >So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of
those
> >superman techniques that our heroes normally use. 
> >
> >Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the 
climax.
> >
> >(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)
> >
> >Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. 
> >
> >He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above 
> >the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and
> >shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The
> >first gun fires off and the villain is dead. 
> >
> >Newton commits suicide...


----------



## shivkumar (Feb 27, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Different operating systems. Different styles. But what if the quirks and styles of the different operating systems were applied to AIRLINES? What if airlines ran things the way operating systems do? This humorous analogy, applying operating system philosophies as if they were airlines, is a long-standing much-circulated amusing story, and we'd credit the author if we knew who wrote it!

*If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

UNIX Airways

*Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

*Air DOS*

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

*Mac Airlines*

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

*Windows Air*

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

*Windows NT Air*

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
*
Windows XP Air*

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.

*Linux Air

*Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

 Source  Got through StumbleUpon


----------



## desertwind (Feb 28, 2007)

*Ask Google a Question ?*

Ever asked Google a Question ?

*www.shinyfire.com/feats/google/google.htm


----------



## luckypayal (Feb 28, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

hey
joined today,
trying to post something for all there

This is the scene of a Chinese call center.

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan !
Operator : Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator : I know you are someoneand you want to talk to anyone ! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wanthat our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..


----------



## hailgautam (Feb 28, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

If you want to see the unholy effect of clothing a simple thought with bombastic verbosity, slant your gaze at the following sentences. Hidden away beneath the lush overgrowth of phrases are some plain, simple ideas which you know as common maxims. Can you pierce the verbiage and extricate the proverbs? [8 is very good, 10 is terrific, 6 is average]........... In simple words, Can you guess the hidden proverb for the following..

________________________________________

1.	A mass of concreted earthy material perennially rotating on its axis will not accumulate an accretion of byrophytic vegetation. 
2.	A superabundance of talent skilled in the preparation of gastronomic concoctions will impair the quality of a certain potable solution made by immersing a gallinaceous bird in ebullient Adam's ale. 
3.	Individuals who perforce are constrained to be domiciled in vitreous structures of patent frangibility should on no account employ petrous formations as projectiles. 
4.	That prudent avis which matutinally deserts the coziness of its abode will ensnare a creature. 
5.	Everything that coruscates with effulgence is not ipso facto aurous. 
6.	Do not dissipate your competence by hebetudinous prodigality lest you subsequently lament an exiguous inadequacy. 
7.	An addlepated beetlehead and his specie divaricate with startling prematurity. 
8.	It can be no other than a maleficent horizontally propelled current of gaseous matter whose portentous advent is not the harbinger of a modicum of beneficence. 
9.	One should hyperesthetically exercise macrography upon that situs which one will eventually tenant if one propels oneself into the troposphere. 
10.	Aberration is the hallmark of Homo Sapiens while longanimous placability and condonation are the indicia of supramundane omniscience.


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## prasathvishnu (Mar 1, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Look at this screenshot from NetBanking section of HDFC Bank.....

At the top 'Net Banking Round the Clock', down is the 'Unavailable' message


----------



## desertwind (Mar 1, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

^^^

Haha. LOL.


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## ilugd (Mar 1, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

hail gautam
1. A rolling stone gathers no moss
2. Too many cooks spoil the broth
3. Those who live in Glass houses should not throw stones at others
4. The early bird catches the worm
5. All that glitters is not gold
6. 
7. A fool and his money are soon parted
8. 
9.
10.

Just average, I guess. But I have got a splitting headache looking at all those long words. Need to go get an aspirin
__________
@prasathvishnu, round the clock, yeah, right!


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## kumarmohit (Mar 2, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

How do you do a Crash course in Ramayan?
Simple, change your name to Micky and go crash in a Wall, U will become WallMickey...


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## sspradhan (Mar 5, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

That was a good joke made up by you Mohit. Keep it up.


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## aryayush (Mar 5, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**



			
				ilugd said:
			
		

> hail gautam
> 1. A rolling stone gathers no moss
> 2. Too many cooks spoil the broth
> 3. Those who live in Glass houses should not throw stones at others
> ...


Just average!!! Either you know a enormous number of quotes or you are a genius in the English Language - or both!
You definitely deserve reps for this, the least I can do. 

But honestly, I am jealous. I have always been lauded among my friends and in school as being the best among them when it comes to English. And you have just shattered my pride - with an iron hammer, no less.


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## ilugd (Mar 5, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

uh.. is it? I didn't know that was good. The question said 6 was average. Well, every week I need to share from the bible in staff devotion (prayer and lecture from bible. I work in a church you know) and everyone falls asleep unless i talk on something interesting. So i have made the habit of using interesting quotations and stories. So I guess I know quite a few.
6. There is no substitute for hard work
8. Pride comes before a fall.
9.  .. (Aargh.... Damn. Got a headache again.)

Ok, here is a story I shared today morning.
A milk man was a very devout believer and a worshipper of his God. He used to get up each morning and worship his God, he used to offer sacrifices and the like. And like all milkmen, he used to then get up and go about his day's activities, taking milk from the cows, going to the taps and topping up the cans with water to give with milk to his customers. His God was pleased, (not with his adding water to the cans, but because of his devotion to him) and so appeared in person and told him that as a boon he was giving him a lake of milk in his backyard which would never ever dry up. Still God wanted to do more for him and asked him what else he could do.
The milk man's answer, give me two ponds of water.
Moral: People never change.


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## jawwadsajid (Mar 7, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood


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## 24online (Mar 10, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

Omkara - Bidi jala le by IIT delhi students

*youtube.com/watch?v=buf13ZiDAZY


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## nileshgr (Mar 10, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**


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## Desmond (Mar 11, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

TITANIC song remake in ORKUT song.

Every time in my orkut
I see you. I scrap you.
That is how I know you go on.
Far across the Scrap Book
And testimonials between us
You have come to show yourself “ single”.
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the friends list does go on
Once more you logged on
And you're here in my scrap book
And my scrap book will go on and on
Testimonials can touch us one time
And last for sometime
And never let go till we're friends
Love was when I saw your friends list
One true time I hold to
In my life I’ll surely view her/his profile
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the friends list does go on
Once more you logged on
And you're here in my scrap book
And my scrap book will go on and on
There is some amazing profile that will not
go away
You're here, there's so much to fear,
And I know that my friend will know I checked her/him out
We'll stay forever th rough


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## ilugd (Mar 12, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**

orkut doesnt work for me.


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## krates (Mar 13, 2007)

Hey Friends I Started This Thread To Share Your Computer Jokes Here Now What You Are Waiting For Share Your Joke Here Like This One  

Light Bulb
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,331: 
* 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed 
* 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 
* 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 
* 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. 
* 53 to flame the spell checkers 
* 156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list. 
* 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames. 
* 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb 
* 203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped. 
* 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
* 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty. 
* 27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs 
* 14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs. 
* 3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list. 
* 33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too." 
* 12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversey. 
* 19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three." 
* 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ. 
* 1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup. 
* 47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here. 
* 143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.


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## Lucky_star (Mar 13, 2007)

It was funny...but there is already a thread running .
Post there:*www.thinkdigit.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29532&highlight=Jokes


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## piyush gupta (Mar 13, 2007)

Already a thread running

also wrong section

thread reported


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## 24online (Mar 13, 2007)

cool video :
DHL Deliver Everything
*www.metacafe.com/watch/406443/dhl_deliver_everything/


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## Anindya (Jun 23, 2007)

Why not make this thread a sticky? So that whenever someone is angry and comes to the forum he/she can directly go to this thread and cool down.


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## Third Eye (Jun 23, 2007)

It was sticky before


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## navjotjsingh (Jun 24, 2007)

*Re: *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^**



			
				hailgautam said:
			
		

> ________________________________________
> 
> 1.    A mass of concreted earthy material perennially rotating on its axis will not accumulate an accretion of byrophytic vegetation.
> 2.    A superabundance of talent skilled in the preparation of gastronomic concoctions will impair the quality of a certain potable solution made by immersing a gallinaceous bird in ebullient Adam's ale.
> ...



1.A rolling stone gathers no moss.
2.Too many cooks spoil the broth.
3.People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
4.The early bird catches the worm.
5.All that glitters is not gold.
6.Waste not, want not.
7.A fool and his money are soon parted.
8.'Tis an ill wind that blows no good.
9.Look before you leap.
10.To err is human, to forgive, divine.


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## ilugd (Jun 24, 2007)

^^^ clap clap clap


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## RCuber (Jun 25, 2007)

Im gonna get into trouble for posting this  


```
Private Class secretary 
        Dim _dress As Boolean 
        Dim _shoes As Boolean 
        Dim _underwear As Boolean 

        'constructor 
        Public Sub New() 
        End Sub 

        Public Function IsNaked() As Boolean 
            If _dress = False AndAlso _shoes = False AndAlso _underwear = False Then 
                Return True 
            Else 
                Return False 
            End If 
        End Function 
End Class 

Private Class MySelf 
        Public Function KeepDressed() As Boolean 
            'lazy to type 
        End Function 

        Public Function DressOff() As Boolean 
            'lazy to type 
        End Function 
End Class
```

usage: 



```
Private Sub GetNaked() 
        Dim Jane As secretary = New secretary 
        Dim myself As MySelf = New MySelf 
        If Jane.IsNaked = True Then 
            myself.DressOff() 
        ElseIf Jane.IsNaked = False Then 
            myself.KeepDressed() 'don't even think about it to dress off before her 
        End If 
End Sub
```


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## slugger (Mar 23, 2008)

just recieved this

*img180.imageshack.us/img180/6268/warningqo3.jpg

the images (not the message)


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## Third Eye (Mar 23, 2008)

^ Lol​


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## casanova (Jun 3, 2008)

Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work.  "Guess what, mate," says the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar." 

"What did you do?" says the other IT guy. 

"Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to make her feel special" 

"You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy. 

"I then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop." 

"Really?  You got a new laptop? What configuration?" 

"It's a 1 GB RAM and mobile internet connectivity card and 180GB HARDDISK..Wi-Fi..DVD-Writer......................"


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## abhi_10_20 (Jun 3, 2008)

^^rofl


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## jawwadsajid (Jul 30, 2008)

“_Space? Space is only the key in between the two alt keys._”

 ~ *Al Gore on Space

space <uri gagreen is famus for it >
*


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## jawwadsajid (Jul 30, 2008)

look it


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